If there was a truth to the world, would you want to know it?

     Journal:
     A week anda half worth this time!
     My week started off with a ride up to see Rosalyn. I've been steadily saying goodbye to people throughout the month, while preparing to leave, and living and having a great time as well. For the most part I was getting people to come to me to hang out and say bye, but it'd of been difficult for Rosalyn to get from her place in Waterbury to me in Guilford, so I set atop the bicycle (besides, I think riding some obscene amount of miles just to spend time with someone is romantic, if ya'll didn't figure that out yet). On the way through North Haven I found on the side of the road a slightly damaged but mostly still functional leather whip. It really called out to me and seemed a gift from the Universe to Rosalyn so I grabbed it. The ride ended up taking longer than anticipated, but I made it eventually, and Rosalyn and I subsequently had a great time. We made veggie burgers and hung out with a stray cat whom I helped name Lutzwick. He was pretty affectionate, maybe even a little too much haha. I brought the Red Rooster cookies too as promised, which of course were amazing. The whip was well received as well. The following morning I walked Rosalyn with her bike to her new job at K-Mart and said goodbye to her there. It's funny how we can sometimes assign additional meaning and emotion to moments retrospectively. I rode away from Rosalyn a bit after noon and headed South to Derby to get my stuff I lost at Shakedown last week (See Story for that adventure).
     Adam came by on Thursday to hang out, which is about time I haven't seen the guy in months! We used to see each other quite often, but since moving to West Haven and moving away from video games and such, he hasn't been around much. Dude went to school right down the street too! He says he's busy, and I'm sure he is, I just don't buy it. When I want to do something, I make it happen, doesn't matter what gets in my way. Otherwise, I just didn't want it enough. Seems to me it's that simple. Anyways, Adam and I played some magic and caught up, and that was cool. I wonder if I'll ever see him again.
     Friday was a fun day! I ran 5.5 miles to get Lionheart from Zane's, but it hadn't come in yet, so I had to run back! Wake up, run 11 miles, no big deal. Actually, I was surprisingly unaffected by the exercise. Compare to just 1.5 years ago when a half-marathon knocked me out and made my whole body sore for a couple days. So after that I hopped on my bike and rode another 12 miles total to have lunch with Noah and Holly and Bill. Noah gave me his pannier bags that he used during our Montreal adventure, along with his camelback from the army. These useful and valuable gifts are incredibly appreciated by me. I feel as though Noah and I are on the same level just going down different paths. He is pursuing success, stability, and Justice, while I am pursuing freedom, expression, and Love. I plan on seeing him again before I leave so looking forward to that.
     Later on, Janny came by and we had a nice little heart to heart, so that was cool. She also brought like $50 worth of Mamoun's sandwiches, and that was extraordinary. Angelica, Glenn, and Rob caught up soon and we all had a great time hanging out and eating falafel and drinking tea. Now I gotta share something about Rob. This guy and I had our differences in High School. I think it was something about his humor, just rubbed me the wrong way. Every once in a while I'd feel bad and apologize and he'd offend me all over again! Well, that was high school, but I kind of hung on to that ugh feeling towards him for years (which I realize now was very immature of me). So Rob started expressing his ideas which he's fostered through his instruction into the world of accounting and his Tai-Chi group and that was all very interesting. I believe that one of the purposes of our existence here on Earth is to learn and grow as much as we can. I wonder if this has anything to do with my instruction as a teacher. Regardless, Rob had many thought provoking ideas and I was forced to admit that he's not a total jerk after all. So, sorry Rob, again.
     On Sunday, Claire, Rudy, and I went to Poughkeepsie NY to meet her family. Claire's mother's house was amazing! They had 3 dogs 6 cats 4 guinea hens 2 ducks and at least 8 chicken. Claire's mother has amazing taste and buried us in amazing food for the duration of our all too short stay. We hiked a bit around a frozen lake, got expensive chocolates, and had dinner with Claire's younger sister. The next day, after an amazing home cooked breakfast from Claire's mother, we took Claire's other sister and her boyfriend to lunch. They had hitchhiked around the country, and I was very interested in that for obvious reasons, so that soon became Claire and I just listening to their story, with a couple questions from me here and there. It is amazing just how much people will tell you when they know you're listening. The response is automatic, sub-conscious. People don't even realize that they are gushing all the wisdom they can. Even people that prefer not to interact or be social will express themselves to a surprising degree if someone just expresses general interest in something they know about. We all want to spread knowledge. Words are what most people use.
     After that, Claire and I walked on a large pedestrain bridge over the Hudson River, which was cold but lovely, then met her father. As before, after I showed some interest, he was very excited to give me a tour of his jewellery making business in his basement, and that was neat. We got dinner at a Mexican restaurant and that was nice. All in all the weekend had far too much food and driving. I spent most of the time full and car-sick. However, I wouldn't change a thing. I am so thankful to Claire for wanting to share this part of herself with me, and especially for making it happen! I learned a lot! About her and more!
     Next Monday will definitely be my last update before I depart. I plan to leave sometime next week. Once both myself and the weather are ready, as ever. I never did finish my taxes, so I should probably get around to that. I should get this cavity looked at. I need to pack my bags, maybe get two more pannier bags if needed. One last visit to the Credit Union to cash/deposit some checks. Just a few more people to say goodbye to.
     We are now in the eve.


     Reflection:
     In our civilization, words are truly put on high as the means to express ourselves most fully. Reading/Writing is taught (these days, crammed) to children in schools above all other modes of expression or thought. I do not deride the importance of words (after all, here's my written blog) but I feel that often times, words are inadequate. We use words to express ideas, and for that they are often enough, when we use enough of them. However, we also use words to express our emotions, and for that they are seldom enough. Scholars are people who work with words to express ideas most succinctly. Poets are people who work with words to express emotions most succinctly.
     Even among the greatest scholars and poets though, there are ideas and emotions that language is simply not yet at the level of expressing. Language is a tool we have, and it is still evolving just as we are. Perhaps one day it will be able to express our full range of emotions and potential ideas, but until that day, there will still exist mysteries buried within our minds and spirits.
     Beyond words, we also use art to express our ideas and emotions. Despite schools limiting art to "Art Class" and there being a general stigma against starving artists (among some circles); I believe art is truly its own language just as important and expansive as the written word. Are we on the wrong path as a society? Moving away from our emotions and towards a more robotic numeric existence? Business is business, and business is the pursuit of profit. Money has power in our society. What will our society be like when very few people care about expression, the environment, or our deep range of emotions?


     Story:
     So I'm on my bike (as usual), returning from Waterbury. I am on my way to Derby to retrieve my things from the well-intentioned Ms. Corinne. It was supposed to take 2 hours, but a path I took was covered in ice and slush, so that slowed me down considerably and soaked my feet. Then, of course, I took a wrong turn and had to seek an alternate route. I didn't know any direct routes to where I was heading so I had to go a bit out of my way to avoid getting lost. As I rode down route 67 into Seymour, I noticed a box and a dead animal on the side of the road. Back when I was commuting around via auto mobile, I would sometimes see things on the side of the road that I wanted to check out, but would be unwilling to slow down, pull over, and get out (that's what cars do to you). Well those days were over, so I pulled over and checked out the scene.
     There was a large male rat, deceased. He was slightly crushed, but definitely not by a car. Next to him was a little carry-home box from a pet store. It said, "Please bring your pet home safely!" on it. I named the rat Jack and buried him away from the road. I didn't expect to find anything but I looked in the box anyways. To my surprise, inside was a very much alive little rat! Immediately, I decided leaving her here was not an option. It was cold, there was ice everywhere, and this is right next to the main road. This rat would not last the night. So after some brainstorming I repaired the integrity of the box with my sweater and figured out how to carry it while cycling. I named her Rudy and continued on my journey with a new friend!
     I stopped into an animal hospital along the way and they were able to confirm that the animal was, in fact, a rat, and that I should not feed her rhubarb or raw onions. Upon leaving the hospital it began to rain and hail a bit. Rudy and I pressed onward to my friend's abode, where we had a brief respite and I was able to re-equip myself with my preferred gear. A lady I did not know arrived while we were resting and mentioned that she was looking for a new pet rat. I thought about handing Rudy over to her but... I hesitated. I had just found this little tyke and had been thinking how I'd just take care of her until she ran off on her own, but I was already becoming attached to her. I didn't want to just hand her off to the first stranger that raised their hands, so I did not offer Rudy up. I fed Rudy a fig newton and we struck back out into the storm.
     As Rudy and I came into New Haven, I was wet and cold from the water falling from the sky and exhausted from carrying Rudy (not to mention the eight straight hours of riding). I decided it best to seek refuge with Claire—she'd know what to do with this rat! As a thank you for the aid Claire was probably about to provide, I stopped along the way to grab some cheese for us and a carrot for Rudy. The cute cashier at Edge of the Woods got pretty excited about Rudy, so that made me realize that riding around with a rat is kind of the coolest thing ever. Turns out Claire used to have pet rats, so she did more than help! She saved our lives! After a lovely impromptu evening with Claire and Rudy, I left in the morning with the rat.
     Over the next week, I created Rudy a little habitat in a box and kept her happy and fed. I sang her songs and showed her off to friends that came over! She even came with Claire and I on our trip into New York to see her folks! All week though, as I got more and more attached to Rudy, my worry also grew. I was desperately trying to figure out some way to take Rudy on my journey with me, but couldn't think of any way to do that safely. Most information I found told me it just would not be a good idea, so the other option would be to find Rudy a good home, but giving her away to someone I didn't know or could trust (maybe they'd feed her to a snake or who knows?!) was something I just couldn't do. On Tuesday, I spent much of the day worrying and working on a way to somehow travel with Rudy. I was so emotional about it, I revealed Rudy's existence to my mother and almost got her to watch Rudy instead, but a part of me really wanted to go on this adventure with Rudy. Maybe I saw how important it was. A cool lady I was talking to online also helped assure me it was possible. So, the two of use left to get Lionheart, with her in a courier bag with a metal tin inside keeping it spacious.
     Lionheart was beautiful. Sleek, metallic black. Fancy disc breaks. Front and rear pre-installed fenders and racks. Ready to ride. But the emotions of this most anticipated moment were overshadowed by the intense worry I had for Rudy sitting in her little bag. Was she comfortable? Too hot? Too cold? Hungry? Thirsty? Did she fall out?? Am I banging her around too much? It took some fanegaling but I figured out the best way to carry Rudy and still pedal. The two of us met Ma & Pa, an incredibly kind older couple that I had met at V-Fest back in August.
     Ma & Pa really wanted to see me before I left. They showered me with gifts for my journey! I just wanted to see them, talk with them, and learn something but they gave me so much! I accept a lot of gifts these days from people who simply want to give to me to help me out. I must remember this spirit in the future, especially when I am no longer in need. Ma even gave me a joint haha! She promised it was "really good stuff." After dinner and discussion with them, Rudy and I rode through the wet cold to stay over at Claire's again. This time she got a big cage for Rudy! Woah! Rudy seemed really happy about that. She kept popping her head over the ledge and looking at us, then running away and hiding. In the morning Claire left for work, and I left with Rudy to continue on my way.
     The train to Greenwich was a little uncomfortable, but I pet Rudy the whole way so that was nice. Rudy was doing surprisingly well traveling in the courier bag and I guess I had not needed to worry that much. Upon arriving at Lili's home, Lili was instantly taken by Rudy. It turns out Lili not only had a pet rat in the past, but really wanted another one now! Lili and I caught up while Rudy ran around and got into trouble. She helped me find a pencil though; good job Rudy! Later, Lili and I smoked the joint that Ma had given me. She wasn't lying about its potency either! Lili and I went inside to chill and I became aware that I should look at Rudy, but I was afraid of the emotions that would incur from doing so. I was right to be cautious.
     Do you think there are some ideas we are unable to conceptualize? Even if we were using our brain to its full potential, could we be simply unable to process the information? If someone one-thousand years ago spoke of an age where ideas and thoughts could be spread via metallic wires and light signals across the world, which was round of course, would they not have been considered mad?


     Poetry:

     "Point."

     I come from you.
     We three melded together with everyone.
     I can not create life!
     Every single organism
     Tree to human to ladybug
     Each a gift to this world.
     The Sun is our father
     The Earth is our mother
     We are all the same
     Just on different levels.
     So we made our own pets
     They're cute, right?
     This one can toast.
     This one can blend.
     This one can connect me to another on the other side of the world.
     But none of them bear more by themselves
     We have to create them ourselves
     with our hands.
     That's how we'll make life,
     with our hands.
     And the life we birth will make our lives easier.
     It will perform its task and go to sleep.
     The life we create serves us, but it doesn't mind.
     And we'll become just like it
     And we won't have to think
     We'll just toast some bread, here.
     We'll just blend some fruit, have a good day.
     We'll stay connected to everyone all over the world, talk to ya later.
     Connecting in person is hard.
     It's easier on the screen
     It doesn't hurt
     It's all numbed
     I can pretend I'm connecting with people.
     I can pretend I'm the hero
     I can pretend I'm making love
     and I don't even have to move.
     The illusion is better than the experience
     Is this the next level?
     Or a void we'll be trapped in foreverr??
     ...
     We haven't lost our ability yet
     to connect and become one
     the process that brings new life.
     Do we truly have the power now
     to decide our own path?
     to dictate our own fate?
     We are so small.
     How can we trust ourselves with this decision!?
     Making the decision ourselves
     That's the whole point...
     What will it look like
     at the end?
     I return to you.