The Phoenix and the Turtle
By William Shakespeare
Let the bird of loudest lay
On the sole Arabian tree
Herald sad and trumpet be,
To whose sound chaste wings obey.
But thou shrieking harbinger,
Foul precurrer of the fiend,
Augur of the fever's end,
To this troop come thou not near.
From this session interdict
Every fowl of tyrant wing,
Save the eagle, feather'd king;
Keep the obsequy so strict.
Let the priest in surplice white,
That defunctive music can,
Be the death-divining swan,
Lest the requiem lack his right.
And thou treble-dated crow,
That thy sable gender mak'st
With the breath thou giv'st and tak'st,
'Mongst our mourners shalt thou go.
Here the anthem doth commence:
Love and constancy is dead;
Phoenix and the Turtle fled
In a mutual flame from hence.
So they lov'd, as love in twain
Had the essence but in one;
Two distincts, division none:
Number there in love was slain.
Hearts remote, yet not asunder;
Distance and no space was seen
'Twixt this Turtle and his queen:
But in them it were a wonder.
So between them love did shine
That the Turtle saw his right
Flaming in the Phoenix' sight:
Either was the other's mine.
Property was thus appalled
That the self was not the same;
Single nature's double name
Neither two nor one was called.
Reason, in itself confounded,
Saw division grow together,
To themselves yet either neither,
Simple were so well compounded;
That it cried, "How true a twain
Seemeth this concordant one!
Love has reason, reason none,
If what parts can so remain."
Whereupon it made this threne
To the Phoenix and the Dove,
Co-supremes and stars of love,
As chorus to their tragic scene:
THRENOS
Beauty, truth, and rarity,
Grace in all simplicity,
Here enclos'd, in cinders lie.
Death is now the Phoenix' nest,
And the Turtle's loyal breast
To eternity doth rest,
Leaving no posterity:
'Twas not their infirmity,
It was married chastity.
Truth may seem but cannot be;
Beauty brag but 'tis not she;
Truth and beauty buried be.
To this urn let those repair
That are either true or fair;
For these dead birds sigh a prayer.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVPASdaiino
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C4woB0GudQ
Colorado was Absolutely Amazing...
But still, I've always wanted to
In years past, food rations from the government consisted of large amounts of white flour
This is what they thought to do with it all
It's basically like Fried Dough
But they bake the flour first into a rather thick tortilla
Then pan fry it
It felt important.
With various veggies atop a piece of Frybread
It becomes the "Navajo Taco"
A local favorite
Lots of folk were coming and going all day
It took me about an hour of violin playing before I earned myself a very special Navajo Taco
Several Navajo artists have set up displays to sell their wares
There are many Beautiful Pieces
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BMgQMd61Bw
It turns out Four Corners is Awesome!
Way more than a tourist trap.
It's actually on Navajo land
So I bet that's why.
I'm glad they have such a nice source of revenue
It's amazing how quickly the biome changes
Already, we're out of the Mountains and into the High Desert
...and I bet Arizona is gonna be Amazing too!
Colorado was my #1
But I've been looking forward to Arizona too
And to the Challenge of the Desert
I feel in a rush though
At this point
Getting Home for Christmas feels like a much higher priority
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYm8opMcz-0
So I tried to push through the Night
No intention to stop and camp
Perhaps that is unwise
But I had a Haven about 300 miles away
Just had to get there...
A flat tire in the middle of this Night Ride left me right about here though
Darn GoatHeads!
There's definitely something very Beautiful about the Desert
Just gotta Keep Going
Keep Going
Keep Going
Keep Going
Almost Home...
Almost to a Place of Rest
I Wanted to Just Push on through the Night
But a Storm on the Horizon gave me cause for concern
Thank You to the Good People of Rock Point
For pointing me to a place of shelter and allowing me to have that
And for feeding me in the morning!
And for having me as a special guest in your classroom!
That's the first time that's actually ever happened
It was Very Cool!
(Of course I'm used to it from my Science Teacher days)
It must be tough to live on this land out here
It must have been even tougher years ago...
But it is very Beautiful
My photos unfortunately can not do these Rock Formations Justice
One can see storms moving about from miles away
I was literally being chased by this one!
For a while I was pushing as hard as I could to try to get to the next town
Round Rock
And find some shelter before I got hit hard
Luckily the storm
Or perhaps The Road
veered off to the side and I was sparred
I've got several thousand feet to descend on my way to Phoenix
So I've been looking forward to that!
Nothing like a nice easy day of riding
Especially with Beautiful vistas no matter which way one turns
But first...
Some climbing yet remains.
The current state of the rig
Definitely at capacity here
Despite making me look kinda bad
Carrying trash and recyclables around is the Right thing to do!
I awoke at the Lukachukai Elder Center
With to my great dismay
a third flat tire!
Totally Unprecedented!
One tiny little spine had done me in
I couldn't believe it
I also couldn't move
It was raining pretty hard
And I was all out of tubes...
Luckily a Kind Navajo family took me in!
They set up a tent for me in their back yard and invited me into their home and to their table
Food, Shelter, and Care
Thank You.
And Thanks to that Kind family
I was able to accomplish My Goal
As before
I Chose My Path based on where The Sun was Rising
Lukachukai reminded me of Crestone
A small town nestled right at the base of an expansive Mountain Range
I had gone out of my way here
Climbing an extra 2,000 feet
Because a Navajo Warrior in Rock Point had told me I should go to this Sacred Mountain and Drink from the Spring Waters here
That's a Good Sign...
I Guess...
The Shortest Distance Between Two Points is a Line
From Me to You
Way more than a tourist trap.
It's actually on Navajo land
So I bet that's why.
I'm glad they have such a nice source of revenue
Already, we're out of the Mountains and into the High Desert
But I've been looking forward to Arizona too
At this point
Getting Home for Christmas feels like a much higher priority
So I tried to push through the Night
No intention to stop and camp
Perhaps that is unwise
But I had a Haven about 300 miles away
Just had to get there...
Darn GoatHeads!
I'm Almost There!
Though I guess I do Need to Rest along the way...
I didn't realize this whole area was all actually a part of The Navajo Nation
But a Storm on the Horizon gave me cause for concern
Thank You to the Good People of Rock Point
For pointing me to a place of shelter and allowing me to have that
And for having me as a special guest in your classroom!
That's the first time that's actually ever happened
It was Very Cool!
(Of course I'm used to it from my Science Teacher days)
Stopping here was definitely a Wise decision
Storm aside...
I woke up with another flat tire!
That's two in a row!!
It must have been even tougher years ago...
My photos unfortunately can not do these Rock Formations Justice
Round Rock
And find some shelter before I got hit hard
Or perhaps The Road
veered off to the side and I was sparred
Especially with Beautiful vistas no matter which way one turns
Some climbing yet remains.
Definitely at capacity here
Despite making me look kinda bad
Carrying trash and recyclables around is the Right thing to do!
With to my great dismay
a third flat tire!
Totally Unprecedented!
One tiny little spine had done me in
I couldn't believe it
I also couldn't move
It was raining pretty hard
And I was all out of tubes...
They set up a tent for me in their back yard and invited me into their home and to their table
Food, Shelter, and Care
Thank You.
I was able to accomplish My Goal
As before
I Chose My Path based on where The Sun was Rising
A small town nestled right at the base of an expansive Mountain Range
Climbing an extra 2,000 feet
Because a Navajo Warrior in Rock Point had told me I should go to this Sacred Mountain and Drink from the Spring Waters here
That was All I Needed to hear to alter my Path a bit
Where My Water comes from is important to me
It should be important to Everyone
Right?
I Guess...
I Just cut across this brush land
There were a couple trails here and there but the hike was mostly Just pachinkoing through bushes
I didn't Need directions or a map or even the Sun
I could See my Goal and Just headed straight for it
Despite obstacles
Or actually, because of them
The Ravine was definitely more fun to traverse
I went through at least three different biomes!
Lots of dung everywhere
But I didn't see any animals at all...
So I had to crawl under a few barbed wire fences
Water!
This probably isn't the Spring I was told of though
So I followed this creek upwards for a bit
Some impassable Red Rocks looming...
AND SO BEGAN THE ASCENT
Even though in these photos I'm climbing this Mountain
In My Heart I'm in The Dark
When People See Your Darkness they may Judge it
When they Judge it Judge You they may change their behavior toward You
Defend Yourself!!!
I'm in The Dark because I was put Here
Hell and Back
I Wish I Could be There to Defend You.
I Am In Love
Yet Whom I Love speaks to Me Not
My Darkness pours from My Heart in Fear Every Day
My Mind is Overclocked
Pondering Thinking Planning Imagining Dreaming Worrying Strategizing Figuring Deciding Wondering Reeling Screaming Fighting Crying Praying
NOTHING WILL STOP ME
I NEED TO SEE AND TALK TO LILI
I NEED TO SEE AND TALK TO LILI
I NEED TO SEE AND TALK TO LILI
If that is All I Am Asking The Lord Above For and such a simple, pure, request made from the Love in the Bottom Top and Center of My Heart does not occur, then Clearly I Am Weak, as The Lord would not DENY Me Such a Simple Good Easy Thing.
In Fact at this point Seeing and Talking to You again is of direct determination to Me of if Free Will even exists or not
So I Wait and PUSH Myself as HARD as I can Every Day
Understanding that I Care and They Do Not
That My Fears are My Weights to Carry
As Are My Pains
The Hollowness in My Heart
From Being Put here Again and Again
From Being UNABLE
UNALLOWED
To Help Aid Rescue Save Protect Give to Be With LOVE
A Woman that I LOVE
AND TO NOT EVEN BE TOLD HER FATE
ONLY FEELING HER PAIN THROUGH MY HEART
That is Where I Am.
Exactly Where You Left Me
Shut Out.
Waiting for You to Respond.
Carrying Our Dreams
Protecting Them. Preserving Them.
Knowing From My Depths that We mean Something to each other and this Love is REAL and I Will NOT ALLOW This World My Mind People of Doubt FOOD AND ILLUSIONS AND DRUGS to Distract Me or DeRail Me from what I KNOW to be TRUE
From What My Heart Yearns and Calls to Create
BEAUTY AND WONDER AND LOVE
My Life.
My Story.
My Love.
My Self.
Me.
Even in Darkness.
This is Who I Am
Because Even in Pain
This is Who I Still Want to Be.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-MAErg8q0w
Some impassable Red Rocks looming...
AND SO BEGAN THE ASCENT
Even though in these photos I'm climbing this Mountain
In My Heart I'm in The Dark
When People See Your Darkness they may Judge it
When they Judge it Judge You they may change their behavior toward You
Defend Yourself!!!
I'm in The Dark because I was put Here
Hell and Back
I Wish I Could be There to Defend You.
I Am In Love
Yet Whom I Love speaks to Me Not
My Darkness pours from My Heart in Fear Every Day
My Mind is Overclocked
Pondering Thinking Planning Imagining Dreaming Worrying Strategizing Figuring Deciding Wondering Reeling Screaming Fighting Crying Praying
NOTHING WILL STOP ME
I NEED TO SEE AND TALK TO LILI
I NEED TO SEE AND TALK TO LILI
I NEED TO SEE AND TALK TO LILI
If that is All I Am Asking The Lord Above For and such a simple, pure, request made from the Love in the Bottom Top and Center of My Heart does not occur, then Clearly I Am Weak, as The Lord would not DENY Me Such a Simple Good Easy Thing.
In Fact at this point Seeing and Talking to You again is of direct determination to Me of if Free Will even exists or not
So I Wait and PUSH Myself as HARD as I can Every Day
Understanding that I Care and They Do Not
That My Fears are My Weights to Carry
As Are My Pains
The Hollowness in My Heart
From Being Put here Again and Again
From Being UNABLE
UNALLOWED
To Help Aid Rescue Save Protect Give to Be With LOVE
A Woman that I LOVE
AND TO NOT EVEN BE TOLD HER FATE
ONLY FEELING HER PAIN THROUGH MY HEART
That is Where I Am.
Exactly Where You Left Me
Shut Out.
Waiting for You to Respond.
Carrying Our Dreams
Protecting Them. Preserving Them.
Knowing From My Depths that We mean Something to each other and this Love is REAL and I Will NOT ALLOW This World My Mind People of Doubt FOOD AND ILLUSIONS AND DRUGS to Distract Me or DeRail Me from what I KNOW to be TRUE
From What My Heart Yearns and Calls to Create
BEAUTY AND WONDER AND LOVE
My Life.
My Story.
My Love.
My Self.
Me.
Even in Darkness.
This is Who I Am
Because Even in Pain
This is Who I Still Want to Be.
Good!
That makes it easier to Jump!
So my target was a seemingly passable Ridge one could also see from afar
East Rock in New Haven, CT
also displays such large and Red Rock Walls
I would Explore the wooded areas by the base of the Rock
And the River that flowed by.
That's Where My Love for Exploring came from.
I Came to Know Those Woods like the Back of My Hand
I'm glad I Went out of My Way to See these Rocks
I'm thankful I listened to the Navajo Warrior and came to Lukachukai
Just a trickle of drops
But they collected into a tiny stream
And I was able to Drink of The Water from The Mountain
Listen to The Lord
Follow Directions
Be The Lord's Instrument
Do My Best to Live to Christ Ideals
Push Out Negativity~Bad Attitudes~Doubt
Be Grateful for and Giving With What I Have
When DO We Fight?
We Fight for Our Mother, our Sister, our Daughter, our Lover
We Fight for Son and Brother and Father
We could choose to Abandon them
All of Them
and Move on and Take
A New Love—Wife
But I Will Not
and I Believe there is Beauty and Meaning in the choice
My Love is Free
Let Your Faith
Be Undying
Taking Nothing from Your enemies but Give to them Abundantly
Always seek Peace and at least Do one's Part so that Peace May be offered
But Pray for Justice
Trust and Believe in The Lord
And always Be Ready to Give one's Life
For Love
Around this point I heard a nearby Mooing
Which surprised me greatly as this slope is very steep and I don't see how a Cow could get up here
Actually I thought that was the Peak there
There's The Peak
So if You really Want something
You have to be Ready to Bet Your Life on it
Willing to Fight and Work for it
Actually Work for it
And Be Thankful that it exists
And so do You
And Do Something
Create Something
To Show that Gratitude
To Express Your Love
I Am Thankful for My Life
I Am Thankful for My Health
My Strength and Stamina and Vigor
I Am Thankful for This Moment
Every Day is a Gift
Every Expression of Love
A Way to Show our Thanks
I Am Thankful for this Opportunity to Show My Love
To Be My Best Self
To Move Forward
Trusting The Lord
Fighting For What is Right
For Goodness and Freedom
For Who I Love
I Am Thankful for this Opportunity to Feel
And to Prove My Love
By Carrying Those Feelings
And Choosing My Path to Act and Speak
To Express Them
I Am Thankful for This Year in The Dark
To Take That
And Go Here With It.
Who Both My Self and The Lord has Made Me to Be
The World and My Decisions in it
The Lord's Gifts and Guidance
So Many Gifts
I Am Thankful for My Love
The Love I Have and Carry in My Heart
I Am Thankful for the Pain
The Strength and Wisdom it Brings
I Am Thankful for Water
I Am Thankful for Shelter
I Am Thankful for Food
I Am Thankful for Care
I Am Thankful for My Journey
My Life
I Care about This World and I Want to Care More
Do More
I Want to Build Houses
So People can have Shelter
And one day I'll Build one for myself
And My Loved ones
And anyone that Needs Help
I Want to Work Hard and Diligently
To Inspire Others
And Create Good Things that People Need
And Share those Good Things with People
To Help them Be Good Too
I Want to Love!
I Want to Give Freely and Receive Freely
I Want to Lift People Higher
When I Can
And I Want to Follow My Path and Do Good
I Want to Seek Wisdom
So I May Guide My Brothers on Good Paths
And Not Be Lost on My Own
I Want to Live My Dreams
I Want to Reach My Goals
I Want to Keep My Word
My Promises
I Want to Fly
I Want to Forgive and Heal
I Want to Fight
I Want Justice
I Want to Live.
This Mountain Range
Lukachukai
Is Sacred to The Navajo People
It was My Honor to tread upon these Holy Lands and an absolute Blessing to Reach this Peak
Black Pinnacle
North
West
East
This marks my 11th Ascent
And 8 different Peaks Reached
Not Bad for My First Mountain Climbing Season, eh?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QjZXKCEtxE
I Want to Live.
Lukachukai
Is Sacred to The Navajo People
North
South
And 8 different Peaks Reached
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QjZXKCEtxE
Hey I was Just down there!
I'm Going to Find Out
What is Possible
To Create
With these Hands of Mine
What is Possible
To Create
With these Hands of Mine
Just How High I Can Fly
How Far I Can Go
And How Far I've Come
I'm Going to See My Loved Ones!
I'm Going to EXPERIENCE LIFE!!
I'm Going to Give My LOVE!!!
No Matter What Happens
No Matter The Weight of The Stone
How Far I Must Go
I Am So Blessed
And to Be Free
To Walk This World
And See these Beautiful Places
I Am So Blessed
I Can ASK
for No More
And Pray
I Must Hold to My Faith
I Must Show that Somehow
I Must Let Go as Much as I Can
I Must not Try to Control
I Must Always Aid
And Teach
And Give
When I Can
As I Can
I Must Hold Close to My Heart
Hold on to What is Dear
My Love
Seek Wisdom and Strength
To Protect
My Memories
My Self
The One I Want to Be
My Dreams
Beautiful Visions I Have no Reason to Doubt
Beautiful Horizons I Step Closer Towards Every DayHold on to What is Dear
My Love
Seek Wisdom and Strength
To Protect
My Memories
My Self
The One I Want to Be
My Dreams
Beautiful Visions I Have no Reason to Doubt
Not Ever.
And I'll Keep Working
For The Future
'Cause Life is Long
And One Day
If Not Tomorrow then One Day...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1FgmqTU92I
So I followed the Ravine back towards the Town
It was tough hiking in it in the Dark but it was Cool too
I collected some Water to Give to the Family
Holy Water from their Holy Mountain
I eventually climbed up out of The Ravine and tried to find The Road I had seen running Parallel from Above
Less for an Easier Hike but more to lessen the mental Stress of Worrying about Right Direction
I walked through the brushes and bushes with My Light on
Picking up different zig-zagging trailish trails
Trying not to go back down towards the ravine
I stopped when I saw a Glow over the Mountain
Moon Rise
I watched as a Full Moon slowly rose above the peaks
Basking the surroundings in its Silver Light
With the area now illuminated I could better make out direction
The Road was Just ahead
But I did have to descend down into another Steeper Ravine and up the other side
But at Last
The Road
With the Moon Out now I could no longer get Lost as it whispered the Cardinal Direction into my ear whenever I'd Need it
I Started following North
The Direction I Needed to Go
The Dirt Road winded a bit but soon became less Bumpy and widened as it approached a few Homes
I was out of the Wilderness
But still a ways away from the Tent in the backyard of the Family who was allowing Me Shelter there
It is Thanks to Them for allowing this Hike to be Possible
At the Tent some special Almond Butter from Brother Ryan and Sister Morgan, and an Apple from Mataji, awaited me.
Along with a soon to be warm sleeping bag and Sweet Sweet Rest
When I reached their Home I was greeted as I approached by Sisters
I had planned to Just quietly retire to my Tent
But I learned it was not so late and was thus Suggested that I
Knock on the door to announce my Safe Return to Everyone
Which I felt was Proper
And Thus Bid My Sisters Good Night
Upon knocking the Man of the House answered
I reported My Deeds and My Return
Thanked Him for Shelter
Asked for any Old Bread
Was Given Fresh Bread
Thanked Him for That
Thanked Him for Shelter Again
And retired to My Tent
To Enjoy their Amazing Home Made Bread
With My Apple and Almond Butter
I slept past the Sunrise
But the first thing I did when I got out of my Tent was
Get to choppin' Some Wood
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MifRjQF-_o
freeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!!!
Thanks again to my little brothers Antonio and Elijah
Unfortunately both the patches and that Slime stuff didn't work
But Thank You both and Your whole family for All Your Help and Gifts
I Promise that when I return I'll have lots of Awesome Stuff to Share and we can Have a Party!
Please take Care of My LionHeart 'til then...
I Am so so SO grateful to All of you for Your Care for My Heart
It may just be a crafted hunk of Steel to some
But to Me that bicycle holds and carries My Hopes and Dreams
I Promise that when I return I'll have Special Gifts and we can have a Big Party!
So I continued on My Way
Without My LionHeart
I soon realized though that this is much better than what I had planned
Now, instead of Giving $ to some Storage Unit Business in Phoenix Somewhere
I'm Able to Give to a Beautiful Navajo Family!
People in Need are Where I Want my Resources to Go
People I Love are Who I Want to Give to
And I Love People that Help Me
Why Wouldn't I!?
<3 Sisters <3
Am I Asking for Something Wrong???
I Mean What I Say
What I Write Here is My Truth
If You Don't Believe Me
Then Test Me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cN4W4Q8gbI
Meeta lotta Good folk
I'd been seeing a bunch of signs for these things all through The Navajo Nation...
It sounded like a flower to me
Turns out, just a few years ago, an elder Navajo Lady decided to experiment and Pickled a Pickle...
In Kool-aid
She then diced it up and put it on shaved ice
Thus the Piccadilly was born!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pm7gVU3WHT4
Thanks for the ride lil' Brother and Sister!
Glad I got to try a Piccadilly with y'all :D
And thanks to Kind folk that stopped to help me along my way...
I made it to a place of Safety and Respite
Snowflake
And a GINORMOUS THANK YOU to My Friends
The EarthDancer WindWalkers
I was able to really Rest and Heal thanks to You
And I Need Both those things
And your EarthShip is Just about the coolest place I've ever been!
It's also exactly what I Want to create for myself
So I learned a lot Just by being here!
I'd even argue with Buddha here
This is what People should Want
Mataji
Holy Woman
Divine Mother
These Rocks absorb Heat Energy by day
And slowly release that energy through the Night
Thereby keeping the Home Warm
Solar panels provide enough electricity to handle most anyone's normal electrical needs
They have an amazing set-up that automatically collects rain water!
Excess Water runs off here...
...and using the solar energy
is also automatically pumped through these tubes...
to steadily water all the trees on the ground
through Drip Irrigation
The system also keeps this fish pond filled too!
The Water here is also used to water the plants around the grounds
And as We learned at The Wolf Village
The fish add Nitrogen to the Water
Which helps the plants!
Indoor Greenhouse
Why didn't Humans think of this sooner!?
The Workshop is totally cool
But hey don't forget!
I've got my own craft
Thank You again Tim!
Honor to use Your Tools!
"The geographical pilgrimage is the symbolic acting out of the inner Journey. The inner Journey is the interpretation of the meaning and signs of the outer pilgrimage. One can have one without the other. It is best to have both."
~Thomas Merton
The End?
(I'd be Oddly Content with this actually)
If A Way is lacking in Worship Towards The Divine Feminine
Then it is A Way that is Lacking.
I Know What I Need
I Know What I Asked for
I Know What I Want
I Know What I Can Let Go of
I Know What I Am Open to
It was tough hiking in it in the Dark but it was Cool too
I collected some Water to Give to the Family
Holy Water from their Holy Mountain
Less for an Easier Hike but more to lessen the mental Stress of Worrying about Right Direction
Picking up different zig-zagging trailish trails
Trying not to go back down towards the ravine
Moon Rise
Basking the surroundings in its Silver Light
The Road was Just ahead
But I did have to descend down into another Steeper Ravine and up the other side
But at Last
The Road
I Started following North
The Direction I Needed to Go
I was out of the Wilderness
But still a ways away from the Tent in the backyard of the Family who was allowing Me Shelter there
It is Thanks to Them for allowing this Hike to be Possible
At the Tent some special Almond Butter from Brother Ryan and Sister Morgan, and an Apple from Mataji, awaited me.
Along with a soon to be warm sleeping bag and Sweet Sweet Rest
I had planned to Just quietly retire to my Tent
But I learned it was not so late and was thus Suggested that I
Knock on the door to announce my Safe Return to Everyone
Which I felt was Proper
And Thus Bid My Sisters Good Night
I reported My Deeds and My Return
Thanked Him for Shelter
Asked for any Old Bread
Was Given Fresh Bread
Thanked Him for That
Thanked Him for Shelter Again
And retired to My Tent
To Enjoy their Amazing Home Made Bread
With My Apple and Almond Butter
But the first thing I did when I got out of my Tent was
Get to choppin' Some Wood
freeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!!!
Unfortunately both the patches and that Slime stuff didn't work
But Thank You both and Your whole family for All Your Help and Gifts
I Promise that when I return I'll have lots of Awesome Stuff to Share and we can Have a Party!
Please take Care of My LionHeart 'til then...
It may just be a crafted hunk of Steel to some
But to Me that bicycle holds and carries My Hopes and Dreams
I Promise that when I return I'll have Special Gifts and we can have a Big Party!
Without My LionHeart
Now, instead of Giving $ to some Storage Unit Business in Phoenix Somewhere
I'm Able to Give to a Beautiful Navajo Family!
People in Need are Where I Want my Resources to Go
People I Love are Who I Want to Give to
And I Love People that Help Me
Why Wouldn't I!?
I Mean What I Say
What I Write Here is My Truth
If You Don't Believe Me
Lemme Tell yah
Hitching is Damn Fun!Meeta lotta Good folk
And it's Just a Beautiful thing to See
It sounded like a flower to me
Turns out, just a few years ago, an elder Navajo Lady decided to experiment and Pickled a Pickle...
In Kool-aid
She then diced it up and put it on shaved ice
Thus the Piccadilly was born!
Glad I got to try a Piccadilly with y'all :D
And thanks to Kind folk that stopped to help me along my way...
Snowflake
And a GINORMOUS THANK YOU to My Friends
The EarthDancer WindWalkers
I was able to really Rest and Heal thanks to You
And I Need Both those things
And your EarthShip is Just about the coolest place I've ever been!
So I learned a lot Just by being here!
This is what People should Want
Holy Woman
Divine Mother
And slowly release that energy through the Night
Thereby keeping the Home Warm
...and using the solar energy
is also automatically pumped through these tubes...
to steadily water all the trees on the ground
through Drip Irrigation
The system also keeps this fish pond filled too!
The Water here is also used to water the plants around the grounds
And as We learned at The Wolf Village
The fish add Nitrogen to the Water
Which helps the plants!
Indoor Greenhouse
Why didn't Humans think of this sooner!?
The Workshop is totally cool
But hey don't forget!
I've got my own craft
Thank You again Tim!
Honor to use Your Tools!
"The geographical pilgrimage is the symbolic acting out of the inner Journey. The inner Journey is the interpretation of the meaning and signs of the outer pilgrimage. One can have one without the other. It is best to have both."
~Thomas Merton
(I'd be Oddly Content with this actually)
Then it is A Way that is Lacking.
I Know What I Asked for
I Know What I Want
I Know What I Can Let Go of
I Know What I Am Open to
However One Decides to Move through Life
Balance and Stability are Key
Faith and Determination are Key
However one Decides to Desire
Discipline and Patience are Key
Different Life Paths
Choose One
I chose as I was writing that Poem.
So I'm going to at least See that Through
I'm going to at least Keep My Promise
Yes it Does.
Not that I Want it to End at All really
I Just Want to go Home for Christmas.
Loved Ones I Miss
"This is the Best Work Ever!
I'm literally just crawling in the dirt, eating Apples, thinking about my Loved Ones!Yaaay!"
Many Gifts come from Good Work
I Still Hold You All Above
Building a Bouquet!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j34pVeNgVZ8
A Simple Life
Food Grown Out of the Ground
Which I Will Build Myself
Land
To Steward and Expand Upon
Work
Earn What We Need
And Share Our Wealth With Others
To Give or Trade
And Express Who We Are into This World
To Pray and To Train
Community
She'll Just fall asleep while she's standing—especially when she gets excited!
SO absolutely Special.
Awesome!
These windows are positioned so during the day the Sun shines upon these rocks
Which absorb the Light and retain Heat and release that Warmth into the Home through the Night
This is known as Passive Solar Heating
How Cool is that!?
I can't possibly eat all these before they turn...
Sooooooooo
We gotta preserve them!
I See this Apple and really don't See anything wrong with it lol and rather think, "Oh what a Cool design!"
One could easily cut the torn part away to save the rest of the Apple
Though I Just rinse the area and enjoy it all the same
And it's definitely fine if cooked!
The red bowl in the back is compost
Actual rotted parts of the Apples go in there along with stems leaves etc.
The cores and seeds are in the white bowl to be fermented for Apple Cider Vinegar later
Stirring every minute or so
The Spice mixture I made off to the side
Then poured in when the Apples were soft enough to begin the...
At first I used the fork but the apples would just kind of move away from it
So I used the Spatula which Smooshed pretty well
But then I found whatever-the-heck that apparatus is called
(Okay more than a couple)
And some added Honey and dashes of selected spices
And it's done!
My First Preserved Apple Creation came out Great!
I Am So very Excited to See Each of You
We are Each Free to Decide What to Do with Our Love
Who We Share it With
And Where We Go With it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zBIkzfKfuY
The Quest for El Dorado
This biome is known as The High Desert
As the elevation is around 5,000 feet
It's a pretty harsh environment
But it's also absolutely gorgeous
And a Spectacular view of the Sunrise over the Mesas Every Day
Of course when it gets really cold a good oven and some chopped wood get ya through the Night!
My Hard Work earned me a Stay in this Lovely Cabin
What more could I Need?
I Love that Meant To Be Here Feeling
When Traveling it can often Be Felt quite Profoundly
Mr. Joeseph designed and built this house himself
I Wish I had more than One Life to Live
So I could Share this with Each of You...
But at least I can and Will
With this Life of Mine
Love each of You
Such a satisfying feeling when you split right through to the chopping block!
Garden Time!
LASAGNA GARDENING!
First get a nice little hole dug
Ta~Da!
Also break up the dirt on the bottom with a pitchfork
This is a different technique of compost/gardening than I learned in Ithaca
The Science I learned there carries over though!
Cover the compost with "browns"Any organic matter that's dry and is going to add carbon to the soil
One could even use cardboard!
Here we're using old corn stalks
Then you just dig another trench and cover this one up with that dirt and go right down the line
And here are the finished beds!
Once one has the technique down
Maintaining healthy Soil Structure is Key
That's what the beds essentially are
A strip of Superior Soil enriched with Nutrients
Beyond that it's all about knowing and Caring for the Plants
Time of Year to best plant and Harvest
What temperatures, chemicals, and amount of water they prefer
What Pests go after them and how to Defend them
And how all this effects the Food
The Soil here is Good and Black
That means it's rich in Carbon which is exactly what we want
Apparently when growing food
One can Never have too much Carbon in the Soil!
More drip irrigation!
Low-medium water pressure and tiny holes in the tube allow for controlled automated watering of the crops
The Nursery
Firstly one fills the tray with some Nutrient Rich Quality Soil
Note the bottom tray needs to be grated with openings
Then create trenches for the Seeds!
Here we have this Wooden Triangle Tool but that's one of those tools that makes the job efficient and easier but probably isn't necessary
They can be bought by the package
But if you get some good ones
Then you can Just Harvest your own seeds from your Bounty for the next Season
We learned about this helpful fungus at Atzlan Village!
Carefully line the seeds in the rows (:
The Water will rise through the soil via Capillary Action and eventually activate the seeds
Which growing roots will be thus prompted to grow downward
One of Mataji's secrets!
The Water is Blackish because of these nutrient products she obtains and mixes into the water
The more nutrients available to the plant the better
Generally
When you Harvest a Wonderful Bounty and really like what you've grown you'll want to know what it is!
But the ones that do and at last... Sprout!
Those you'll want to carefully take out from the rowed pad and replant them in each their own little pot so they can grow strong in the safety of the greenhouse before you replant them in the garden or the...
Different than a Greenhouseas it is a dome of shaded clothe
This structure is designed to protect plants from Sun Damage rather than trap Heat
Here is another drip irrigation system
Along with wooden boards installed over the beds so one can get to any of the plants without compressing the soil (which would make it more difficult for roots to grow and intake nutrients)
Mataji Kim knows what she's doing
Look at All these Beets!!!
Different flowers have different effects too!
The Marigolds actually keep different buggo pests away!
And They're Beautiful Too
With a Frost coming in
The Tomates Needed to be rescued before they froze!
You can Freeze a vegetable for sure but when you Freeze Thaw Freeze Thaw anything it starts to break down at a molecular level
Which makes The Tomates pretty unpalatable after the second thaw or so
(Though they do get a bit sweeter too as starch breaks down to sugar!)
We rip out all the now dead vines and bury 'em right in the ground for next season
This is Lasagna Gardening!
Cooking!
I decided to make a Soup then a Sauce with all The Tomates that we rescued and squash and peppers and onions and carrots that Mataji had grown and then Harvested in Abundance!
Came out great and went really well with Rice
(Shoulda put in more potates though)
You can Always Add More In but You Can Never Take Any Out!
When The Tomates had released their Tomates Juice I put in peppers and onions and carrots and garlic, but this time cumin seeds and coriander and pink Himalayan salt and black pepper.
I left this over medium heat for most of the day, maybe 4-6 hours.
Woulda worked very well cooking in a crock pot too.
It came out Wonderful!
It was Sweet and Yummy and was Great over potates or pasta or on most anything really (;
Soups and Sauces are Great ways to preserve Food 'cause You can Seal 'em in Mason Jars and they should last at least through the Winter right in The Root Cellar
Or for Years in the Freezer
And what a great feeling!
Not only Preparing and eating Food that I harvested myself
But also Sharing that Food with others and Preserving it for the future!
This is The Way I Want to Live
I Don't Want to Work With a Corrupted System for a Dollar
I Want to Work With The Earth for Real FOOD
I Gained Knowledge through My Travels and My Work
From Generous Teachers and Service
And I don't even Know what I Know
But I Know I Know some Good Stuff in Here and I Know I can put it to Good Use
I Also Know
Because I Will Not Forget
That from the very beginning
I intended to Learn and Grow as much as I could so that I could Share that knowledge with You
I Hoped and Strove to Be the Best I could Be so that I'd Be Worthy of You
And that Intention for You
Because I Love You
Is The Drive that Exists from the Bottom of My Heart
Okay I'm still learning this stuff but these are the converters
The Solar Panels outside gather the energy and send it through an Underground wire right to these boxes
...To Convert it.
Yeah...
To Direct Current!
That's DC for short!
Which is a simpler way for Electricity to travel but also creates a lot of Energy along the way so it takes much more thickness of (expensive) copper wire to be contained.
This switch box here directs the electric flow to either the batteries to charge them or to the water pump system to fill the basins along the top of the house
When switched to the battery charge side the energy comes from the Converters to here
These are Car Batteries all wired together to form a hub
The batteries are charged by day
Which is when stuff like vacuum cleaners and lawnmowers etc. should be used
And should have plenty of Energy to last through the night to keep Lights and other little appliances going, and maybe a Refrigerator or something too if you have enough Panels/Batteries
Car Batteries actually create electricity via a chemical reaction
The energy is stored in the chemicals
One aught to keep a small amount of water in the batteries too
These two Devices are Inverters
Their purpose is to change DC to AC
That's Alternating Current
AC moves through the wires differently than DC and requires much less wiring
This increases voltage output!
It'd be less efficient and much more expensive to run a Refrigerator on DC but with AC it is possible!
And here are the Circuit Breakers!
A Circuit is a complete course of conductors through which current can travel.
A Breaker can blow when there are electical surges
Such as if Lightning Strikes the House
Which should hopefully protect the sensitive equipment
You don't Want a Fire starting in this room
(The Batteries Will Explode)
Notice the different colored wires
When wiring with AC there's a whole different meaning to the colors!
So yeah still got a LOT to Learn
But We Are on The Path!
Some little tricks are super simple yet super important!
Underneath all this duff lies the pipage for this water tank
With the Frost coming a frozen and burst pipe would be an unfortunate possibility
But just burying the pipes goes a long way by taking the direct cold air off of the vulnerable areas!
PaperCrete!
The batteries are charged by day
Which is when stuff like vacuum cleaners and lawnmowers etc. should be used
And should have plenty of Energy to last through the night to keep Lights and other little appliances going, and maybe a Refrigerator or something too if you have enough Panels/Batteries
The energy is stored in the chemicals
One aught to keep a small amount of water in the batteries too
These two Devices are Inverters
Their purpose is to change DC to AC
That's Alternating Current
AC moves through the wires differently than DC and requires much less wiring
This increases voltage output!
It'd be less efficient and much more expensive to run a Refrigerator on DC but with AC it is possible!
And here are the Circuit Breakers!
A Circuit is a complete course of conductors through which current can travel.
A Breaker can blow when there are electical surges
Such as if Lightning Strikes the House
Which should hopefully protect the sensitive equipment
You don't Want a Fire starting in this room
(The Batteries Will Explode)
Notice the different colored wires
When wiring with AC there's a whole different meaning to the colors!
So yeah still got a LOT to Learn
But We Are on The Path!
Underneath all this duff lies the pipage for this water tank
With the Frost coming a frozen and burst pipe would be an unfortunate possibility
But just burying the pipes goes a long way by taking the direct cold air off of the vulnerable areas!
This is 90-95% paper!
That saves lots of money on concrete and is just about as strong as just plain concrete
That saves lots of money on concrete and is just about as strong as just plain concrete
The disadvantage is it'll absorb large amounts of water if it comes in contact with that which could lead to rot
So these are not outside anti-weather materials
But there's plenty of ways to build around 'em and utilize this cost-effective design!
Building My Own Home is Going to Be So Much Fun!
Building My Own Home is Going to Be So Much Fun!
The first photo is the flat edged Spear for Thrusting away the bigger harder to cut chunks
But most of the time I used this doubled handled sharp and small reverse blade to pull off long strips of bark at a time
Every bit of Bark Needs to be removed
But hey it all can be used for Mulch!
Mulch Mulch Mulch!!!
Who Needs a Lumber Yard!?
NOT THIS GUY!
A 50:50 ratio of the above two is what we used here
This stuff seeps into the wood and takes up that space in the pores and helps preserve the wood from air or mites or water so the food doesn't break down or rot
Just a little messy and it smells pretty nice
Good Relaxing Work
Sprouting grains increases the nutrients within
Or is how one begins to grow them before transferring to pot and soil
Basically you put the seedlings in a jar of water overnight
Then drain the water out and let them sit damp for a day or two
I am so certain of this in fact that I don't understand how anyone could Question or Be Against it!
Learn how to Build
Learn how to Choose
And I learned how to Grow a lot here!
That's one of the Greatest parts of traveling
Finding a Special Place where you belong at and can truly better yourself there
And if One seeks such a Place
One Shall Find
There's an entire world of science and art to it all
From resources in the natural environment and how to best utilize them
To keeping heat in and cold out or vice versa when you want
It's harder to figure out our Direction
But once We figure out how to best Serve our Selves and Our World it gets Easier
Once We figure out What's Good for us and focus on the positive returns of that
Rather than allow Our Selves to be Distracted or Taken in by Fleeting Pleasures
Not that I don't still Eat way too much Peanut Butter or Love a Good Homemade Cookie...
Balance is Essential
But if a Cookie is going to cost Your Soul
Or Everything that You've been working tirelessly for much time to create or attain
Well I don't care how yummy it is it ain't worth it
I'd Rather Just Wait
Recommended Reading
Especially to Aspiring Young Men
Here are some selections:
Just as much about Adventure and Freedom and Fun
As Service and Self-Growth and Discipline
I've Struggled in more ways than one
But the Rewards have been Great
I don't mean to complain
I am so Thankful to be able to Live like this and See All of this Beautiful Country
But I am so tired and I miss my family so much...
I miss them all so so much...
We're almost there...
At last...
Phoenix!!!
One of the Great Mysteries of Life
That sometimes people are forced to do things they don't Want to do
And We All agree it's Wrong yet somehow it happens anyways
So My Question is
What Do We Do About It?
I think about it Constantly
How to respond to Nightmare scenarios
How Do I Save My Sister?
How Do I Protect My Children?
How Do I Defend My Family from The Monguls?
I Understand Prayer and Listening and Faith
And Then there's Fighting and Anger and Rage
And There's Acceptance and Surrender and an Infinite Spectrum of Expression of Ideas
And How We Respond and Discern and Judge within that Infinite Spectrum
S'all pretty complicated stuff
But I don't Need to Understand Everything
I Just Need to Care about My Loved Ones
I Just Need to make choices through Life that Take Care of My Loved Ones
And
if there's some point in Life when We don't have to think or make
Choices and Just Feel With Our Hearts and Do Goodness in front of Us
then I am frustratingly Not There Yet and I Ask What about the times
You're Confused and You Don't Know and I Ask Why This Happens and even
when I See I Don't Want to Believe it Nor Do I Accept it and I
definitely Don't Understand
And I Definitely Don't Know What to Do
But GOD DAMN IT I WANT TO DO SOMETHING
I EXIST
I HAVE MY WILL
I'm SCREAMING from the Tops of Mountains
I'm SCREAMING Right Here!
"The World is a Book and those who do not travel read only one page."
~Saint Augustine
~Saint Augustine
Being in the Dark for so long has been incredibly painful
Does that make sense?
And making decisions from this space has been especially difficult
How can I make the correct choice if I don't know anything?
I can't listen to My Heart when it's Just kind of screaming
How do I get it out?
Gather the Bitterness and the Broken Dreams and the Heart Ache
Boil them together in a Pot of Hard Work and Prayer and Forgiveness
Pour in Blood and Sweat and Tears
Mix All Together with Hope and Care and Affection
Let Cool
Then transfer to a container of Unconditional Love and Double Dragon Loyalty
And place outside to let Brew under Direct Sun and MoonLight
Give it about Ten Months
And Something Stronger and Better than before
Something Sweet
Should be Ready
Does that make sense?
And making decisions from this space has been especially difficult
How can I make the correct choice if I don't know anything?
I can't listen to My Heart when it's Just kind of screaming
How do I get it out?
Gather the Bitterness and the Broken Dreams and the Heart Ache
Boil them together in a Pot of Hard Work and Prayer and Forgiveness
Pour in Blood and Sweat and Tears
Mix All Together with Hope and Care and Affection
Let Cool
Then transfer to a container of Unconditional Love and Double Dragon Loyalty
And place outside to let Brew under Direct Sun and MoonLight
Give it about Ten Months
And Something Stronger and Better than before
Something Sweet
Should be Ready
Painfully aware how limited my perspective is
I only have this Magic Tincture to go by
And My Center to Stand Upon
So Stubbornly
Radically and Arrogantly even
Against ALL and ANY voices against
Hagard Weary Bleeding from The Fight
I Persist towards The Choice which I made
To Get To You.
This is a Love Story.
It's a Story of my Love
My Love for Mother
My Love for Life
My Love for My Sisters and My Brothers and Our World
My Love for The Fight and The Struggle and The Challenge
My Love for The Sun and The Moon and The Earth and The Stars
My Love for The Lord and Creator Above
And My Love for My Self and My Story
Who I Am Who I've Become
How I've Fallen How I've Persevered
And How I've Risen
A couple days passed at The WindWalkers...
Until I hopped in their car on their way to their Thanksgiving and was dropped off in the City of Tempe (and forgot my camera in their car—at least it's safe lol)
Just South of Phoenix—but part of the urban sprawl
I firstly climbed a large Rock formation there called the Hayden Butte and took a nap until the Sun set marvelously over the Mountains on the horizon
The view of the city was Beautiful as well
Watching as it slowly changed from Hot Bright and Sunny Day Mode
To Cool and Breezy Many Little Lights Night Mode
I didn't Want to Descend from my Perch
But the distant vroooooming echoing up from the Streets excited me and filled me with Hope
Unsure of where to start though
I scanned the area from above until I saw a CVS and knew that was exactly where to go and wept for a minute
Then headed down the now Dark Rock and Dirt Path
I busked there for hours
If people offered me money I told them,
"Keep it, it's okay, Give it to someone else.
Just say a prayer I get home for Christmas.
That's All I Need."
A woman gave me her Pizza leftovers which were awesome
I was hungry enough to eat everything but I've learned it's always better to share so I only ate about half
Sure enough hungry folk came by and I made some friends as they joined me for the Pizza and Salad I saved (:
I met a lot of cool folks that night in between Fiddlin'
Towards the end I met a younger Brother named Jordan who invited me to where he was sleepin'
He had discovered a couple intact couches near the Train Tracks kind of tucked away
So I retired there that night
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5-IMDcZexk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAZAlcC1FX8
The next couple days consisted of meeting anyone who had the inclination to speak with me, mostly the Street inhabitants, who are usually pretty affable after you give them something they need, like food, which is also what I was up to. I'd move from spot to spot playing Violin and Harmonica, sometimes get some food, sometimes just some smiles. I continued to decline money for prayers for a couple days until a man told me The Story of The Three Boats
But The Man refused,
"No. Don't worry about me. The Lord Shall Save Me."
Refusing to board, The Boat was forced to Sail on.
The Man continued to Pray and soon another Boat appeared,
"Hark! A Drowning Man! Someone throw him a LifeSaver!"
But The Man still refused to Board a Ship, citing his Faith in God Above to be his Salvation
With that The Boat Sailed forth
At least a third ship appeared,
"Yar! Thar be a Man in Great Peril here! Come up with us and Be Saved Brother!"
But The Man refused this ship as well, knowing that Divinity would bring him to Safety soon.
Baffled, the ship and its crew Sailed forth and left the man behind
He Soon Drowned
Upon arriving in Heaven he beseeched unto The Lord
"Lord! I Held My Faith! Why Did You Not Save Me!?"
And The Lord Answered
"What Are You Talking About?
I Sent Three Boats!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF9dkKPl-ZA
So that sort of convinced me to start accepting Money
But I still also felt I had enough and was really just hoping for someone to come and have a Motorcycle for Sale that I could then acquire from them, perhaps also do some additional Work for them to reach my level of affordability
But unfortunately no solid leads came
I'd still close my case from time to time though and certainly found much more Joy in just walking about with the Violin playing for Smiles and Prayers and not worrying about any sort of monetary gain at all, and what I did gain whether food or money, I made a point to share it with my fellows on the Street. Perhaps I could have shared more, I suppose we always can, but I hoped it was enough, and I always offered my Hand and Time in service as well. How much to Give is always such a confusing conundrum for me. I don't like to Give money. I don't like to even receive money. And I Just want to get home and clearly this dude is going to buy some alcohol with it. Another time, a man was clearly very cold, so I did not hesitate to buy him two blankets and share with him any supplies I had that he might Need.
I told him what of my story he had time for and walked him to the Train Station before Seeing him off.
But, I could have Given him More.
And Perhaps I Should Have.
On about the fourth day or so the usual depression hit me
I was sad and couldn't be not sad
I say the usual because this is how it had been since getting on the train to Austin
I can't help it I'm without Her and there's this Weight on me at all times and a whole bunch of Stuff that Pains Me to my Core that I don't Need to write about here and I'm Just carrying that around seemingly unable to do anything about it so sometimes it hits me and I Just collapse and can barely move forward.
I didn't want to Dance I didn't want to Play Music I didn't want to Pray
But I should have. I Absolutely should have.
I wanted to eat but knew that wouldn't really help and the bit of food I had I was saving to Give to others so as far as I was concerned it wasn't mine
All I Wanted to do was curl up in a ball somewhere and cry and I felt pathetic even wanting that but I can't think of anything else to do
If I had a Shovel and there was some dirt to dig I could just pour it all into Work because the Work gets me Home
But there's no opportunities here apparently and I had nothing to do but Just Feel it and try to lift my Self up back into a Positive and Grateful state of Being.
I met a Sister who was also wandering the streets sad and depressed
Her Best Friend apparently was gone and she was a bit distraught
Clearly worried about Me and Her State of Vulnerability
I asked Her what I aught do and when she suggested playing the Violin on my shoulder I got right to it and she went off
But I couldn't play for long as I Just couldn't find any motivation or inspiration at all
I Still refused to pray even though that was definitely what I Needed to do
And eventually sat down somewhere to write in my Notebook
Which Helped a little
But was still feeling Just Down and Low
So I decided to go and Retire
And maybe do a little scavenging on the way...
On the way back to Brother Jordan's camp by the train tracks
I stopped to scavenge for supplies
I was hoping to find Bread to share with the many other folk on the street
And enjoy a few bites myself of course
I placed my bag and violin nearby
Being Nighttime and no one around I left them a few paces away without thinking too much about it
It was going pretty well at first
I found four bottles of Sesame Oil and a Santa candle and some yummy confections that I totally wanted but only had a test nibble of before bagging to Give away
After some time a man on a bicycle appeared
I hailed him in a friendly manner and offered him to help himself to any of what I'd found so far
He accepted a Fudge Brownie I rescued
He then offered me some sort of drug but I declined
I continued to speak to him as I sorted through the waste
And was surprised to look up to See that he was no longer there
I shrugged my shoulders, finished cleaning the area and returned to my effects to find...
Gone.
My Bag, Gone.
The Journal.
My Mind didn't accept it right away.
The Beautiful Journal of Poetry
The Prosperity Journal
There was No Way it was gone.
How Could This Be!?
I picked up My Violin and began running.
I came upon an Police Officer and a man with a bloodied face.
His Name was Micheal, and he had been struck in the face with a skateboard and his phone was stolen. He was rather upset, and he was giving his report to the officer. I asked them if they'd seen a man on a bicycle in a gray hoodie with dirt streaks on his face. Neither had, but upon hearing I too had been robbed, Micheal shifted his attention to me. I gave them both a description of the bag as well, and the officer left. Micheal joined me as I continued on to find my bag, him his phone. We passed a Woman at a bus stop, shivering. I had given her some linen I found last night which I believed I saw her wearing, but it was a very Cold night and it wasn't enough. I had nothing to give to then though. No Money to buy Her a blanket, otherwise I absolutely would have. We continued on. A Sister on the street I had given some Food and art supplies to earlier pointed the way to a Park that many other street denizens preside at and I left Micheal behind in my sprint down the street.
Arriving there, the officer from before was positioned by the entrance. He said he saw a person matching my description, but lost him when he cut through the parking lot on his bicycle. I began searching through the park frantically, the months and months of work echoing in my mind.
All the people who had Given to me
All the hours in the Sun
All the Work
Every
Single
Dollar
Saved
I had bought Nothing
Not Even Peanut Butter
I didn't Need to
Even when I was Hungry
Because I know that it's not Peanut Butter I really Need
It's Getting Home for Christmas and Proving to Her that I am a Capable Man of My Word and I'm the Real Deal and mean what I say and Truly Love Her and I'm gonna take care of Her and If She Takes My Hand then Everything is Gonna Be Just Fine
After coming upon some other Street Folk and receiving no aid from them
I fell to my knees in The Park and began to pray
And as one might expect, that's when it hit me.
I blew it
I messed up
In the Final Hour I slipped on some tea leaves and now I'm Dead.
I'm Dead.
My Heart is Dead.
I'm not getting Home and I'm going to Die.
NO I'm not being Dramatic
I Needed these things to win Her Love
To show Her I really Care
That I've been working for Her the entire Time
So I can Be With Her!
I NEED TO BE WITH HER
I've been Praying and Working and Struggling and Crying and Hurting myself and Screaming and all I'm asking for is to See Her again
I NEED TO SEE AND TALK TO LILI
I Need Us to be Right
Us
Our Story
Maybe I took Us for Granted at Times
Maybe I didn't See The Full Beauty of What We Had Been Given and Built Together
Maybe I had other Needs and wasn't Ready either
But I Never once Ceased to Love Her
I Never once Gave Up on Us
A Good Beautiful Us
A Trusting Meaningful Relationship
All of the experiences that we've had together
What I've learned with Her
What She's taught Me
What I've yet to learn
What we've yet to share
All The Dreams I've been Carrying this whole time and those I found along the Way
IT'S ALL GONE
STOLEN FROM ME AS I SLIPPED UPON MY IMPERFECTION
I hit my head against the ground
Again and Again and Again
I convulsed
Buckling up and down
Losing any control of my faculties
Tears and mucus pouring from my face
My Dreams Smearing into the Dirt
I Screamed and Screamed and began beseeching God Above to Just Protect Her
To Protect Sister
To Save Her
I NEED TO SAVE HER
THERE'S THINGS I NEED TO TEACH HER TOO
THERE'S A BEAUTIFUL WORLD I NEED TO SHOW HER
THIS IS WHY I EXIST HOW CAN IT BE TAKEN FROM ME
HOW WHY HOW WHY I DO SO MUCH I TRY SO HARD I'VE COME SO FAR
WE'VE BOTH GONE THROUGH SO MUCH ALREADY WHY IS THIS HAPPENING
WHY
WHY
WHY
WHY
.....................................................
Maybe an hour passed, I don't know
The snot mixed with grass and matted into my hair
It was cold. I was cold.
A Part of Me Just wanted to Die but I know I can't Give Up
Can't Ever Give Up.
All the folk nearby had gone
Got tired of listening to me sobbing
I saw a cat and followed it to a bench area in the shadows I hadn't seen before
I found Strength there
Some bunnies appeared and lead me towards under a bridge
I found Hope there
A fox appeared and I chased it up a hill into some brush
I found Resolve there
Along with a man and his son encamped there in
They had seen nothing but would keep an eye out for the bag and the Journal
I left the park through this brush disheartened but resolute in not giving up until I crashed or found at least the Journal
From afar I saw the city workers collecting the street trash
I ran over and implored them to keep an eye out for the gray duffel bag with "Microsoft: Office" written on the top
And an Orange Journal about [this] big that says Prosperity on it...
As for Justice
Am I angry at this Man?
This Thief with streaks of dirt on his face and some apparent Want for another's personal effects
A Brother with apparently no appreciation for Brownies or Friendly Night Scavengers
Not really—I forgive him
I know that it was God who spoketh
"Nah, nevermind that stuff
I Want to See What You Do."
So I'm not cursing him nor do I seek to Strike against him
I don't Need to
(I recommend reading Job 18, 19, and 20)
All I Want is that Journal back
That, and for my Sisters
For You
To Be Protected
To suffer Not from this folly
His
And Mine
...So I wandered around the streets all Night
The money was gone of course
But the Journal...
It holds no value to anyone but Myself and My Universe
It is quite obviously...
Priceless
So perhaps he'd simply discard it on a bench or in a bush or something
Not the Trash Dear God not The Trash
So I wandered around All Night Just Searching the area
Accepting the Loss of the money but Hoping that if nothing else I could find The Journal
Not that the Money was Meaningless to me
Not including that which I Gave to others...
Every Dollar that I worked for and Earned these past six months
Or occasionally was Donated unto me out of a Kind ones Heart
He Took it All
Who knows how that man will waste that money
My Heart Hurts Just Thinking about it
Everyone that Trusted Me
Everyone that Gave to Me
My Word that it goes toward getting me Home for Christmas
And in My Part I kept that Word
I had yet to spend a single dollar
But I failed
The Money entrusted to Me was Lost
I lacked Diligence and Let My Guard Down and slipped in my pursuit of Just a little bit more
I turned away from the signs I turned away from My God Given Path
Even with my higher intentions of sharing whatever good I could rescue
'Twas not Work I Needed to be Doing
And in those moments of Distraction
I Lost Everything
These Words echoed through my Mind all Night as I futilely searched the area
Remembering what else what else I had put in that bag
My Passport -_-
My Double Dragon Loyalty Hat from My Mission of Love
My Thermal Headband I've carried since the very beginning from a Christmas Years and Years ago
The Special Pomelo I was saving for Just the Right Moment from The WindWalkers
The Notebook from Mataji Kim and My Writings therein
Toothbrush/paste... Given to me by Mataji Rosalyn/Mataji Kim
Many Precious Things...
This is The World we Live in
A Mentality Present within our Society and Culture
Which Our Country has yet to Mature from
Lessons many amongst us have yet to Learn
Philippians 2 1-5
If therefore there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion,
make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself;
do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus"
What this passage says to Me is that True Joy comes not from Things nor from the satisfying of our Greed or Hunger beyond What We Need
But that True Joy comes from Having Love in our Lives!
From being With Ones We Love and being able to exchange Time and Energy and Care and Gifts with Them.
And that We should not Waste our Time pursuing extravagances but aught rather share our Time and Resources—Our Wealth—with those Who Truly Need Our Help
Whether that be Feeding Someone Stuck on The Streets
Or Helping Lift The Weight of The Stones They Carry
This is My Stone
My Pain
My Love being So Reduced
Brought low to that of a Hamburger
A Consumer Commodity
Other Men's Base Hunger
That they are too WEAK too UNDISCIPLINED and too APATHETIC to Control
Placed above My True and Undying Love and Care for Her
So I Ask You
What Paper is more valuable?
The Green Paper—able to trade with most anyone for most anything
Or The Paper I marked with so many Orange lines—Shooting Stars and Every Voice that I could catch Falling out of My Heart
Which Paper is more important?
If I gave You the latter
And another man gave You the former
Who Do You Choose?
Who Deserves You More?
Who would You be Happier With?
And what does Your Choice Mean?
What does it Do in The World?
What does it Say?
Both to my Self and anyone who may have Read this far
Whether they Know Me or Not.
And that meaning should be important to You
You should at least think about it
Because You are The One who decides Who Wins
You're The One who decides Who Gets to Win...
You.
I have said before, "If You don't feed the White Knight, he doesn't have the Strength to defeat the Dragon"
(Though I have found that Indeed The Lord Can and Will Feed his Followers)
By this I mean, if you don't Love and Care for a Man, he loses his Reason and Will to Fight.
There's also other Dragons to Fight.
Other Damsels that Need rescuing.
Which I Do Do My Part for in My Travels
I Am always Ready to Fight for a Sister
But I can only Give My Life to so many people
There is only so much Time in My Day
There is only so far I can go Alone in The Dark before I become too Weak and Weary and turn to pursue the Love I Need and Desire and must decide upon who's Door I shall knock.
So beyond My Part My Brothers must Also step forward to Fight The Good Fight
(There is most certainly a disappointingly large deficiency of actual Honorable Knights, of any Color, in this Day and Age. A Sad fact I actively work against by trying to inspire any Man I am Able to).
And to Each their Own
Ideally A Man Protects What is His
His Wife His Children His Family
And They Love him in Return
It should be a pretty natural process
But making some sort of Deal like, "Oh hey, yeah wow that's a Big Dragon that wants to eatcha thar. Biiiiig Dragon. I guess I could save ya but, I'm gonna Need a display of at least this [ ] much affection, three home cooked meals, with dessert, and two hours of your time. No make it three...
And Sex."
That is not Love
Love is only Love when Given Freely
You don't have to Fucking Pay Me to Save You from a Dragon
I Will Do that anyways and be glad for The FIGHT
I'll Fight to The Death for You for nothing.
And My Promise to that Duty are unaffected by whether You Care or Not
Whether You Keep Your Promises to Me and Take Care of Me or Not
Whether You Care and Respect and Love Yourself enough to Do So or Not
I WILL
TIME AND TIME AGAIN
FIGHT FOR YOU
TO THE DEATH IF I MUST
I WILL NOT FORSAKE YOU
I WILL NOT ABANDON YOU
I WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY REALITY OF YOU BEING FED TO BEASTS
I CARE FOR YOU
YOU ARE ONE IN MY HEART
What we Experienced and Created Together is Sacred to Me
I WILL NOT THROW THAT NOR YOU AWAY
I LOVE YOU
And the Last Time I Heard Those Sweet Words from Your Lips
Christmas Eve as You Gathered Food for a Meal We would Share
That is Enough for Me.
So How Far does a Man have to Go to Hold Your Hand?
What Do I Need to Do
Who Do I Need to Be to Be With You?
I chose You
That's My Free Will
And I'm not going to be turned around
I am not going to change my fucked up Mind
And I'm CERTAINLY not going to Lose
Not until at least I See You again
Not until at least I Speak with You
Not until at least I offer You again My Hand
To Give You another chance of Joining Me and escaping from a World that I have seen and Know to be...
Sad
Sad and Shallow and Corrupt and Illusion and a Dead Fucking End.
Is that Your fate?
I don't accept it
NO I DO NOT ACCEPT THAT
WHAT THE HELL AM I EVEN ALIVE FOR IF I CAN'T SAVE THE WOMAN I LOVE FROM THIS PIT SHE'S TRAPPED IN
Just Like I did in New Orleans for Her
To The End of The World
I Will Do Everything I can to Save You
TO HELL AND BACK
I don't know what tricked You into falling into it
I don't know why My Words and My Prayers didn't reach You before
I don't know why I haven't heard from You
I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE
I DON'T CARE about having a damn hook-up
I DON'T CARE about Dark Lonely Nights
I DON'T CARE about Losing My Mind a little (or a lot) and EVERY SINGLE DAY being an unending wave after wave of emotional turmoil as I worry endlessly about You and Your Safety and Wellbeing and Who it is You are becoming by being Objectified and Reduced to a Thing in this World of Consumption that You walked Yourself in to.
What I Care about is Fixing Us.
What I Care about is Maintaining This Relationship
Whether You're My Wife or My Sister
The Mother of My Children or Just My Best Friend
However You decide to Direct Us
I Need Us to Be Good
And I Need to See and Talk to You.
I stopped to scavenge for supplies
I was hoping to find Bread to share with the many other folk on the street
And enjoy a few bites myself of course
I placed my bag and violin nearby
Being Nighttime and no one around I left them a few paces away without thinking too much about it
It was going pretty well at first
I found four bottles of Sesame Oil and a Santa candle and some yummy confections that I totally wanted but only had a test nibble of before bagging to Give away
After some time a man on a bicycle appeared
I hailed him in a friendly manner and offered him to help himself to any of what I'd found so far
He accepted a Fudge Brownie I rescued
He then offered me some sort of drug but I declined
I continued to speak to him as I sorted through the waste
And was surprised to look up to See that he was no longer there
I shrugged my shoulders, finished cleaning the area and returned to my effects to find...
Gone.
My Bag, Gone.
The Journal.
My Mind didn't accept it right away.
The Beautiful Journal of Poetry
The Prosperity Journal
There was No Way it was gone.
How Could This Be!?
I picked up My Violin and began running.
I came upon an Police Officer and a man with a bloodied face.
His Name was Micheal, and he had been struck in the face with a skateboard and his phone was stolen. He was rather upset, and he was giving his report to the officer. I asked them if they'd seen a man on a bicycle in a gray hoodie with dirt streaks on his face. Neither had, but upon hearing I too had been robbed, Micheal shifted his attention to me. I gave them both a description of the bag as well, and the officer left. Micheal joined me as I continued on to find my bag, him his phone. We passed a Woman at a bus stop, shivering. I had given her some linen I found last night which I believed I saw her wearing, but it was a very Cold night and it wasn't enough. I had nothing to give to then though. No Money to buy Her a blanket, otherwise I absolutely would have. We continued on. A Sister on the street I had given some Food and art supplies to earlier pointed the way to a Park that many other street denizens preside at and I left Micheal behind in my sprint down the street.
Arriving there, the officer from before was positioned by the entrance. He said he saw a person matching my description, but lost him when he cut through the parking lot on his bicycle. I began searching through the park frantically, the months and months of work echoing in my mind.
All the people who had Given to me
All the hours in the Sun
All the Work
Every
Single
Dollar
Saved
I had bought Nothing
Not Even Peanut Butter
I didn't Need to
Even when I was Hungry
Because I know that it's not Peanut Butter I really Need
It's Getting Home for Christmas and Proving to Her that I am a Capable Man of My Word and I'm the Real Deal and mean what I say and Truly Love Her and I'm gonna take care of Her and If She Takes My Hand then Everything is Gonna Be Just Fine
After coming upon some other Street Folk and receiving no aid from them
I fell to my knees in The Park and began to pray
And as one might expect, that's when it hit me.
I blew it
I messed up
In the Final Hour I slipped on some tea leaves and now I'm Dead.
I'm Dead.
My Heart is Dead.
I'm not getting Home and I'm going to Die.
NO I'm not being Dramatic
I Needed these things to win Her Love
To show Her I really Care
That I've been working for Her the entire Time
So I can Be With Her!
I NEED TO BE WITH HER
I've been Praying and Working and Struggling and Crying and Hurting myself and Screaming and all I'm asking for is to See Her again
I NEED TO SEE AND TALK TO LILI
I Need Us to be Right
Us
Our Story
Maybe I took Us for Granted at Times
Maybe I didn't See The Full Beauty of What We Had Been Given and Built Together
Maybe I had other Needs and wasn't Ready either
But I Never once Ceased to Love Her
I Never once Gave Up on Us
A Good Beautiful Us
A Trusting Meaningful Relationship
All of the experiences that we've had together
What I've learned with Her
What She's taught Me
What I've yet to learn
What we've yet to share
All The Dreams I've been Carrying this whole time and those I found along the Way
IT'S ALL GONE
STOLEN FROM ME AS I SLIPPED UPON MY IMPERFECTION
I hit my head against the ground
Again and Again and Again
I convulsed
Buckling up and down
Losing any control of my faculties
Tears and mucus pouring from my face
My Dreams Smearing into the Dirt
I Screamed and Screamed and began beseeching God Above to Just Protect Her
To Protect Sister
To Save Her
I NEED TO SAVE HER
THERE'S THINGS I NEED TO TEACH HER TOO
THERE'S A BEAUTIFUL WORLD I NEED TO SHOW HER
THIS IS WHY I EXIST HOW CAN IT BE TAKEN FROM ME
HOW WHY HOW WHY I DO SO MUCH I TRY SO HARD I'VE COME SO FAR
WE'VE BOTH GONE THROUGH SO MUCH ALREADY WHY IS THIS HAPPENING
WHY
WHY
WHY
WHY
.....................................................
Maybe an hour passed, I don't know
The snot mixed with grass and matted into my hair
It was cold. I was cold.
A Part of Me Just wanted to Die but I know I can't Give Up
Can't Ever Give Up.
All the folk nearby had gone
Got tired of listening to me sobbing
I saw a cat and followed it to a bench area in the shadows I hadn't seen before
I found Strength there
Some bunnies appeared and lead me towards under a bridge
I found Hope there
A fox appeared and I chased it up a hill into some brush
I found Resolve there
Along with a man and his son encamped there in
They had seen nothing but would keep an eye out for the bag and the Journal
I left the park through this brush disheartened but resolute in not giving up until I crashed or found at least the Journal
From afar I saw the city workers collecting the street trash
I ran over and implored them to keep an eye out for the gray duffel bag with "Microsoft: Office" written on the top
And an Orange Journal about [this] big that says Prosperity on it...
As for Justice
Am I angry at this Man?
This Thief with streaks of dirt on his face and some apparent Want for another's personal effects
A Brother with apparently no appreciation for Brownies or Friendly Night Scavengers
Not really—I forgive him
I know that it was God who spoketh
"Nah, nevermind that stuff
I Want to See What You Do."
So I'm not cursing him nor do I seek to Strike against him
I don't Need to
(I recommend reading Job 18, 19, and 20)
All I Want is that Journal back
That, and for my Sisters
For You
To Be Protected
To suffer Not from this folly
His
And Mine
The money was gone of course
But the Journal...
It holds no value to anyone but Myself and My Universe
It is quite obviously...
Priceless
So perhaps he'd simply discard it on a bench or in a bush or something
Not the Trash Dear God not The Trash
So I wandered around All Night Just Searching the area
Accepting the Loss of the money but Hoping that if nothing else I could find The Journal
Not that the Money was Meaningless to me
Not including that which I Gave to others...
Every Dollar that I worked for and Earned these past six months
Or occasionally was Donated unto me out of a Kind ones Heart
He Took it All
Who knows how that man will waste that money
My Heart Hurts Just Thinking about it
Everyone that Trusted Me
Everyone that Gave to Me
My Word that it goes toward getting me Home for Christmas
And in My Part I kept that Word
I had yet to spend a single dollar
But I failed
The Money entrusted to Me was Lost
I lacked Diligence and Let My Guard Down and slipped in my pursuit of Just a little bit more
I turned away from the signs I turned away from My God Given Path
Even with my higher intentions of sharing whatever good I could rescue
'Twas not Work I Needed to be Doing
And in those moments of Distraction
I Lost Everything
These Words echoed through my Mind all Night as I futilely searched the area
Remembering what else what else I had put in that bag
My Double Dragon Loyalty Hat from My Mission of Love
My Thermal Headband I've carried since the very beginning from a Christmas Years and Years ago
The Special Pomelo I was saving for Just the Right Moment from The WindWalkers
The Notebook from Mataji Kim and My Writings therein
Toothbrush/paste... Given to me by Mataji Rosalyn/Mataji Kim
Many Precious Things...
This is The World we Live in
A Mentality Present within our Society and Culture
Which Our Country has yet to Mature from
Lessons many amongst us have yet to Learn
If therefore there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion,
make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself;
do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus"
What this passage says to Me is that True Joy comes not from Things nor from the satisfying of our Greed or Hunger beyond What We Need
But that True Joy comes from Having Love in our Lives!
From being With Ones We Love and being able to exchange Time and Energy and Care and Gifts with Them.
And that We should not Waste our Time pursuing extravagances but aught rather share our Time and Resources—Our Wealth—with those Who Truly Need Our Help
Whether that be Feeding Someone Stuck on The Streets
Or Helping Lift The Weight of The Stones They Carry
My Pain
My Love being So Reduced
Brought low to that of a Hamburger
A Consumer Commodity
Other Men's Base Hunger
That they are too WEAK too UNDISCIPLINED and too APATHETIC to Control
Placed above My True and Undying Love and Care for Her
So I Ask You
What Paper is more valuable?
The Green Paper—able to trade with most anyone for most anything
Or The Paper I marked with so many Orange lines—Shooting Stars and Every Voice that I could catch Falling out of My Heart
Which Paper is more important?
If I gave You the latter
And another man gave You the former
Who Do You Choose?
Who Deserves You More?
Who would You be Happier With?
And what does Your Choice Mean?
What does it Do in The World?
What does it Say?
Both to my Self and anyone who may have Read this far
Whether they Know Me or Not.
And that meaning should be important to You
You should at least think about it
Because You are The One who decides Who Wins
You're The One who decides Who Gets to Win...
You.
(Though I have found that Indeed The Lord Can and Will Feed his Followers)
By this I mean, if you don't Love and Care for a Man, he loses his Reason and Will to Fight.
There's also other Dragons to Fight.
Other Damsels that Need rescuing.
Which I Do Do My Part for in My Travels
I Am always Ready to Fight for a Sister
But I can only Give My Life to so many people
There is only so much Time in My Day
There is only so far I can go Alone in The Dark before I become too Weak and Weary and turn to pursue the Love I Need and Desire and must decide upon who's Door I shall knock.
So beyond My Part My Brothers must Also step forward to Fight The Good Fight
(There is most certainly a disappointingly large deficiency of actual Honorable Knights, of any Color, in this Day and Age. A Sad fact I actively work against by trying to inspire any Man I am Able to).
And to Each their Own
Ideally A Man Protects What is His
His Wife His Children His Family
And They Love him in Return
It should be a pretty natural process
But making some sort of Deal like, "Oh hey, yeah wow that's a Big Dragon that wants to eatcha thar. Biiiiig Dragon. I guess I could save ya but, I'm gonna Need a display of at least this [ ] much affection, three home cooked meals, with dessert, and two hours of your time. No make it three...
And Sex."
That is not Love
Love is only Love when Given Freely
You don't have to Fucking Pay Me to Save You from a Dragon
I Will Do that anyways and be glad for The FIGHT
I'll Fight to The Death for You for nothing.
And My Promise to that Duty are unaffected by whether You Care or Not
Whether You Keep Your Promises to Me and Take Care of Me or Not
Whether You Care and Respect and Love Yourself enough to Do So or Not
I WILL
TIME AND TIME AGAIN
FIGHT FOR YOU
TO THE DEATH IF I MUST
I WILL NOT FORSAKE YOU
I WILL NOT ABANDON YOU
I WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY REALITY OF YOU BEING FED TO BEASTS
I CARE FOR YOU
YOU ARE ONE IN MY HEART
What we Experienced and Created Together is Sacred to Me
I WILL NOT THROW THAT NOR YOU AWAY
I LOVE YOU
And the Last Time I Heard Those Sweet Words from Your Lips
Christmas Eve as You Gathered Food for a Meal We would Share
That is Enough for Me.
What Do I Need to Do
Who Do I Need to Be to Be With You?
I chose You
That's My Free Will
And I'm not going to be turned around
I am not going to change my fucked up Mind
And I'm CERTAINLY not going to Lose
Not until at least I See You again
Not until at least I Speak with You
Not until at least I offer You again My Hand
To Give You another chance of Joining Me and escaping from a World that I have seen and Know to be...
Sad
Sad and Shallow and Corrupt and Illusion and a Dead Fucking End.
Is that Your fate?
I don't accept it
NO I DO NOT ACCEPT THAT
WHAT THE HELL AM I EVEN ALIVE FOR IF I CAN'T SAVE THE WOMAN I LOVE FROM THIS PIT SHE'S TRAPPED IN
Just Like I did in New Orleans for Her
To The End of The World
I Will Do Everything I can to Save You
TO HELL AND BACK
I don't know what tricked You into falling into it
I don't know why My Words and My Prayers didn't reach You before
I don't know why I haven't heard from You
I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE
I DON'T CARE about having a damn hook-up
I DON'T CARE about Dark Lonely Nights
I DON'T CARE about Losing My Mind a little (or a lot) and EVERY SINGLE DAY being an unending wave after wave of emotional turmoil as I worry endlessly about You and Your Safety and Wellbeing and Who it is You are becoming by being Objectified and Reduced to a Thing in this World of Consumption that You walked Yourself in to.
What I Care about is Fixing Us.
What I Care about is Maintaining This Relationship
Whether You're My Wife or My Sister
The Mother of My Children or Just My Best Friend
However You decide to Direct Us
I Need Us to Be Good
And I Need to See and Talk to You.
I woke up, groggy and sore from another cold night, though at least I had some softness thanks to Jordan showing me the couches by the train tracks. Decidedly not Giving Up, but quite unsure of what to do or how to go about it, I grabbed my things and began to walk to the Salvation Army to get some food for the day before heading to the police station to file a report. Hopefully they'd be able to give me something that might vouch for my ID so I could get on a train, or at least have proof that my story of it being stolen wasn't some sort of complete malarkey.
On the way, I passed some folk of the streets by the gas station that seemed to be in good spirits. They noticed my instrument and asked me to play. Delighted, I popped open the case, rosin'd up my bow, and began fiddlin' away. They all really appreciated it, and we even gathered together in a circle to say a prayer. They prayed I would get home for Christmas. I followed them to the bus stop and continued to play for them and chatted some. Soon, another lady came by, rather upset at some interpersonal drama that I have no knowledge or awareness of. None of my business. She sat in the bus stop and began exasperatingly ranting about her issues. This soon upset the other lady who engaged her. I was standing next to them, fiddling the happiest fid I could fiddle, trying to lighten people up.
It didn't work.
The larger lady grabbed the begrudged sister by the throat, pinning her in the corner of the bus stop walls.
I learned in Krav Maga to grab the hand just under the thumb and peel it back.
So I swiftly did so, stepping in between the two squabbling sisters, and spoke,
"That's not okay Sister. You can't do that."
She became even more irate and then directed that energy towards me
I repeated what I said a few times, until this woman's boyfriend stepped forward,
"You can't touch my Girl!"
And gave me a pretty powerful shove
I caught myself and placed my Violin hopefully safely on the ground around the side of the bus stop wall, then stood back up to face the man,
"She had her had on her throat man. That's not okay. No violence."
The man was clearly a little intoxicated and proceeded to repeat what he said before and punch me in the face.
*Donk*
It's not very effective...
Though it did make me pretty sad, as we were literally just holding hands and praying and this situation devolved to violence this quickly.
"Why did you do that? That's not okay brother. No violence."
He takes a step back, seemingly confused his punch did nothing
then proceeds to repeat what he said before and punch me in the face.
*Donk*
It's not very effective...
He probably got a brief exasperated look from me and maybe a head shake before I turn to the girl behind me in the corner,
"You have to Go!"
"I'mNotLeavinI'mnotgoinganywhereshesabitchimafightimafuckima"
"They are Attacking me. You Have to leave here. Now."
"...Okay. Fine."
She stands and begins to move out of the bus stop. She unwisely walks right by the aggressors, but regardless, I keep myself in between her and them as she moves, until she is clear and I double back to grab my violin, case and bag, and also walk off, watching the aggressors movements as they too watch mine.
I didn't need to do this, so maybe it was wrong, but as set out I turn back to look at the man and say,
"I could have killed you..."
And on my way I continued to The Salvation Army.
She said after she came to a halt on her bicycle and looked back at me.
I was sitting on Mill Street, trying to figure out what to do next.
"Yeah!?"
"Well hey I found it! And a Journal too."
There was a surreal moment in Time here.
It Just sort of floated there in the air.
It didn't hit me yet.
Then it did.
"WOoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Where did you find it Sister!?"
"It was in a CVS dumpster!"
My Entire Reality changed.
"Where is it now!?"
"It's back at my campsite!"
It was like The Sun had Risen.
"Oh My God. Thank You. Thank You so much. Wow. Wow. I. I can't even..."
Sister then informed me her campsite is a bit more than an hour by bicycle away and she has some other things to do at this time.
I am Nothing but a Body of Gratitude.
"No Worries Sister! Thank You so Much for Rescuing it! Just bring it to me when you can! I'll be Right Here, maybe Up and Down Mill Street!"
There's some more jubilance exclaimed and she hands me a granola bar and rides off.
As the High of the Moment wears down, I realize I didn't record any of her contact info. I hadn't even gotten her name. I waited in that same spot all Night, even after the bars had closed the music had stopped the folk had gone and the rain had washed the dirt away.
I slept in a little corner off to the side under an awning on the bricks.
Cold and Hard
Though at least I was Dry
But that doesn't matter
The Journal Hath Been Found
Praise The Lord We Have Witnessed a Miracle
My Prayers Have Been Answered
Dawn Hath Cometh
0
"If You're Gonna Give Her Love
Then You Get an UpVote from Me!"
"Where did you find it Sister!?"
"It was in a CVS dumpster!"
My Entire Reality changed.
"Where is it now!?"
"It's back at my campsite!"
It was like The Sun had Risen.
"Oh My God. Thank You. Thank You so much. Wow. Wow. I. I can't even..."
Sister then informed me her campsite is a bit more than an hour by bicycle away and she has some other things to do at this time.
I am Nothing but a Body of Gratitude.
"No Worries Sister! Thank You so Much for Rescuing it! Just bring it to me when you can! I'll be Right Here, maybe Up and Down Mill Street!"
There's some more jubilance exclaimed and she hands me a granola bar and rides off.
As the High of the Moment wears down, I realize I didn't record any of her contact info. I hadn't even gotten her name. I waited in that same spot all Night, even after the bars had closed the music had stopped the folk had gone and the rain had washed the dirt away.
I slept in a little corner off to the side under an awning on the bricks.
Cold and Hard
Though at least I was Dry
But that doesn't matter
The Journal Hath Been Found
Praise The Lord We Have Witnessed a Miracle
My Prayers Have Been Answered
Dawn Hath Cometh
0
"If You're Gonna Give Her Love
Then You Get an UpVote from Me!"
A couple days passed.
There was an amazing art festival with all sorts of photographers and woodworkers and painters. Mill Street, where I said I'd be waiting, was the main spot of the festival. I walked up and down the streets, meeting the artists and inquiring about their art and asking how they do what they do. I Learned a lot! Like, a real lot. I wonder why no one else does that lol. Anyways, I unfortunately had no camera, so I couldn't take any photos, but I was able to give my blog out to many of the artists. I wonder what they thought about my book being online for free and me just giving it to them. I wonder how many of them will type the link in. I wonder how many will read this far... Special shout-out to Tinkly Winklers! In addition to being amazing artists, they were also very kind and open people. Check out their handmade glass wind chimes if that's the sort of Beauty You Want hanging around.
www.chimezone.com
My main priority was getting back The Journal, but there wasn't anything I could do but be patient and wait. That was easy now though because I knew, It Was Saved!!! It was safe at Sister's camp and I didn't Need to worry anymore. Everything was fine. All I had to do was calm down and recover and figure out how I was going to escape the city once whatever Sister found was returned to me. My birthday was on Sunday, the second. I knew it was going to be bittersweet, but thanks to The Journal being rescued and the Art Festival going on it was a lot sweeter than I thought it was going to be. I had nothing to be sad about at all really! But the bitter flavor sort of floats beneath the surface as a part of me, a huge part of me that I don't even know how but I somehow repress, doesn't even want to be here. I Just want to go home. I worry about my dad, miss my mom and brothers and sisters and friends, and really just want to be home right now to be with them (not to mention aforementioned Love Life stuff (no big deal)). So it's hard to pretend it's not there, but Here I Am, so I determined to not be sad on my birthday and make the best of the day and hopefully make up for it when I Get Home for Christmas.
I enjoyed the festival by day immensely. Unfortunately (actually it'd of been stolen so it is fortunate) I had forgotten my camera with the WindWalkers, otherwise there'd be lots of photos of all the art! They wouldn't let me play my violin by day 'cause of some dumb permit I was supposed to buy, but at Night they didn't care, aside from hassling people who were busking, but I wasn't looking for money. Not anymore. I'd play with my case closed, and if people came up to me with a dollar in their hand, I'd say,
"Hey, Thank You, but instead of that, Just say a prayer I get Home for Christmas."
You can't Steal a Prayer.
People would be confused, like, "Huh?"
"Prayers All I Need."
I had said it was God that would deliver me home
Not The Green Paper
So some folk would stop and put their hand on my shoulder and say some Wonderful Words and others would just shrug and put the dollar back in their pocket and say, "Okay."
I kept moving around until I came upon a brother named Dillon who had two drum sticks and a bucket and was a friggin' Master with 'em. I noticed his style was a lot like mine so I figured it'd be fun to play with him, "Hey Brother! Can I Join You for a Jam? You can keep whatever tips I Just wanna play."
So this was the first time I Jammed with someone else with the violin and I gotta say
It Was Pretty Epic.
We got quite a few tips and I found a huge bag of Kettle Corn popcorn being thrown away
Clearly a tip from The Universe for Me
After that when people walked up to give some change
They got some free popcorn too!
(That Kettle Corn bag lasted for days and fed many people lol)
The following day at the Potter's House Soup Kitchen I was in line with a man I had met the previous evening
I observed there were Two blocks of Cheese on the counter for people to serve themselves
"Oh, this cheese looks great! It's vegetarian rennet too!"
"I'm going to take a whole block."
"What? That's too much!"
"I don't care. I'm taking a block."
"I Will totally Judge You if You Do."
He looks at me with some prideful bravado and puts the cheese slowly into his backpack.
I'm appalled.
"Put that back."
"No."
"That Cheese isn't yours. You're being gluttonous. Just put it back."
"..."
"Incredibly Disappointing."
I point out he took 50% of cheese and there's another 40+ people that might want cheese, so the math is pretty clear, but the man kept his stubborn silence so I Just take my Food to my Seat with a head shake.
As I'm eating my bit of cheese and crackers and corn and greens, a cart is rolled out to the dining room and announced, "Flan!"
"Flan!!? Flan is My favorite!"
I then, to most peoples' dismay I'm sure, begin telling everyone around me about the time I was in Puerto Rico and tried Flan at Latin Star and it had been my most favorite dessert ever since. And with my Birthday Just the day before, it's like my birthday cake! Except it's even better 'cause it's flan.
I grab a piece right away and put it aside to truly enjoy once I'm done with my Good for Me Food. There are a lot of greens though and I didn't get enough crackers so I go up to the food counter to grab a few more.
The Cheese Hoarder is up there.
I Speak, "We All have the obligation in life to work on our Hungers and Wants and addictions. We have to practice self-discipline and control. If we're Just wandering around consuming or thinking about what we're going to consume next we're really not even human. We have to practice self-discipline!"
He looks at me and says, "It's the People that Say that that are always The Worst."
"Oh really?"
I march to my table and grab my piece of Birthday Flan, along with the plastic fork that I had been reusing from the previous day instead of throwing it away and getting a new one. I march back to him and say, "I Love Sweets, and Flan is my number one favorite dessert. I Love it. I was super excited to eat this." I stick the fork into the flan and place it on the counter directly in front of him.
"I'm not going to have any."
Then march back to my seat and continue eating my greens and crackers with just my hands.
A few minutes later Mr. Glutton approached my chair and stood over me, attempting to exude some strong energy but obviously too full of Shit to Do or Express anything of any substance whatsoever. He then goes off on a rant about how I don't know him and I can't Judge him and blahblahblah. I retorted with that none of that matters at all—He took too much cheese and he knows he did. Then a Reverend there steps forward and tells me that, "that is not for me to say" at which point I turn away and he lumbers off in a huff.
Before the end of the breakfast, someone didn't want their flan and was going to toss it, so I rescued it and carried it with me, but didn't have any.
I hop off the bus, excited to post the Good News to, uhm, Here, and see something in the clear garbage to the side. For the record, I'm trying not to scavenge as much as possible, but when I see a perfectly good backpack being thrown away, and I'm on my way to a community spot where I know that there are people in Need, it's not a matter of temptation but rather of duty. I have to Rescue that Backpack. There was a granola bar still in its wrapper too. Winning! Woop-woop!
I get to the picnic table in the courtyard and leave there the food from the Church that I did not yet give away. Nearby is a Mataji in a Wheelchair who I had crossed paths with several times, given gloves and some food to. I approach her and let her know about all the food I was leaving and offer to push her over there. She nods, and we start talking about different stuff as I inquire to her Needs. It turns out she Needed to make a phone call to a Loved one, but the Library wouldn't let her use a phone.
I would learn they have a no public phone policy. This upset me, greatly, not for the policy itself, for if they were to tell someone like Me, for example, that I should go figure out my own phone stuff, then that'd be fine. But to a woman who is not only in a wheelchair but literally living right Outside the Library that, "No. Sorry. We're not going to help you and have no compassion for you at all because it apparently tells us not to in our policy."
So I offer to be this woman's Champion.
I Explain to her that it is Her Fight.
I Can and Will Speak and Fight for Her
But She is the one who must Choose to Fight.
I further explain some other options she has, including asking some Jehova's Witnesses for use of their phone who were proselytizing outside the entrance, or asking passing by strangers until someone eventually agrees to help. She considers her options for a minute, then decides to talk to the Jehova's witnesses. I walk us to the front of the Library to find the Jehova's witnesses gone. So I suggest we Fight the Good Fight for a Phone Call in the Library and head inside upon her agreement.
The people at the front desk are unhelpful.
One worker simply cites the policy.
The other, "Has No Phone"
(Yeah right)
We are directed to Matt at the Hope Center for help.
I walk Us across the building there, but No One answers.
We walk back to the Front Desk and ask where Matt might be and are given directions to Suite 202 on the second floor. We move to the Elevator, then to the room, where we learn that Matt is gone, but have a lovely conflict with the women there who, as downstairs, are much more interested in us Fucking Off than helping the Homeless Woman who can't Walk nor contact her Loved One. I push back against this crowd, denouncing their idiotic mindset of adhering to a misapplied Library Code of Conduct above helping an actual person that obviously needs help right in front of them. They're clearly being made uncomfortable by Righteousness, and we are eventually told to head back downstairs and seek a man named Joel. We walk back to the Front Desk and this time I implore the people there that this woman is in Dire Need and that everyone should be helping her, clearly! They tell me to go to the Hope center and Wait there for Joel. They don't know where Joel is though, so I ask the front desk staff,
"How long do You think is a Reasonable Time for us to Wait for Mr. Joel?"
She doesn't have an answer, so I instruct her to think about it, while we go and wait.
At this point, Mataji expresses her Need for some fresh air, so we head outside, where we discuss that she can wait out here and I will go wait for Joel in her stead. Before I get to walking off however, Mr. Joel appears and in the most embarrassing entrance I've ever seen in my life, wakes up a sleeping man on a bench nearby, and begins berating him over the scene I just caused.
I give myself a few moments to enjoy the humor, then step forward,
"You shouldn't be causing a scene in the Library"
"And You shouldn't be making assumptions. I'm the one who was, 'causing a scene.' Not this man."
Mr. Joel begins to criticize my actions and expression. He's a bit tense I can tell. I'm not a defenseless homeless man sleeping on a bench. I cut him off at his exaggerations and falsehoods of my "behavior" and change the subject to the actual matter at hand—the Homeless Wheelchair Bound Mataji who needs to make one simple phone call. At this point, his partner Ms. Kelly appears and takes the high ground by claiming they've been helping this woman for months but she won't help herself, and that it is in face not an emergency for her to want to make a phone call to, "yet another boyfriend."
I don't know what to say to this, and Mataji doesn't say anything either.
The two of them walk off.
Mataji still Needs to make her phone call...
I only realize about a minute later that Ms. Kelly totally Judged Mataji!
With a critique of her handling of her Love Life, she put her down!
Rather than just let her make a phone call
Which I felt was especially appalling coming from the people in charge of the center that is supposed to be helping people.
So I come up with an idea.
I tell Mataji I'll be back in a couple hours.
I Cross the street to the Wal-Mart and go inside to ascertain the price of the cheapest cell-phone+minutes that they have.
Forty-three dollars.
I head back outside and pop open my violin case.
I get to Fiddlin'.
It takes me about an hour and a half...
Not only do I get the $43 I'm also able to share this story with many people!
It is Good to Give
Mr. James at the Wal-Mart turns the phone on for us and I march back across the street and hand Mataji her new phone!
She's so frail it drops from her hand as she looks to me in a surprised sort of disbelief
"Careful Mataji! Don't lose this!"
I get her set-up with the numbers and such, send a quick text to my mom, and say, "I Need to borrow the receipt Mataji. I'll return it later, okay?"
So I head into the library and with sixty cents of the change I made (there were a couple extra dollars, which I gave to Mataji) I print three copies of the receipt.
One went to The Front Desk
One went to the Office on the Second Floor
And the third went right under Joel and Kelly's closed office door.
Happy Holidays.
However, I don't need it.
So I try to decline, but they insist, and I hesitantly accept the paper and hold it a while talking to folk before putting it in my pocket. Some more kind folk share some food and hygiene supplies with me and I head back out onto the streets with it all. I probably ate a granola bar, then passed on everything else to other street folk as I encountered them. I like to leave the supplies in spots people will definitely find them too, like at a bus stop.
After a few blocks I come upon a Street Sister that I'd been chatting with and helping. Obviously, Sisters have a much more difficult time being on the streets, having more bodily needs to manage, and being a higher potential target of predators. So I always try to especially help out a Sister as much as I can. I say hi and chat for a minute until I remember the twenty in my pocket. I immediately think how this twenty is hers and I should give it to her, but I hesitate, as she'll probably decline, prudently weary of my intentions (she of course doesn't have to worry about that with me, but she hasn't read my blog, so she doesn't know about Pico Aislado, for example). So as I'm thinking about how I can give her this twenty, she starts pulling out her art.
Paintings on Cardboard.
Beautiful.
One of them really speaks to me, and I know right away.
"Hey Sister! Is that for sale?"
"Hmm? Oh, yeah, that's why I paint 'em."
"Is twenty enough?"
"Woah! Hey yeah cool! Thanks. Here ya go."
"Hello Mataji! How are You today? Do You Need anything?"
"Oh. I'm Okay. Mmm. Need a pair of Pants, yup."
"Pants!? Woah I Just had some! Okay... Hold on!"
The Pants were meant for Mataji!
I should have taken them with me after all!
So I hop back on the bus and hop off at an earlier stop to run ahead and get to the pants before anyone grabs them. The pants are still there and as I wait for the return bus I use some Talc Powder I had found to dry and de-odor the pants as much as I can, then hop back on the bus and deliver the pants to Mataji!
She thanks me and I bid her Good Day to head into the library to write
Only to find the paper I'd written my Library Card Number on was gone
It must have fallen out of my pocket when I was running!
I figured this meant I should write later and for now I was supposed to be on The Streets
Doing The Lord's Work
I still tried to get my number back from the help desk
But without an ID they refused to help me
This aggravated me less because of what I was trying to do and more for all the folk that are denied service because they have no ID
So I figured the first Work I aught be doing was to write this facility a letter about some of their policies
Someone's gotta Speak for the Little Guy!
After writing that and handing it in I hit the Streets
A week had passed and there was no sign of Sister or The Journal.
I had to constantly process out worry and anxiety.
It was found it was found it's okay I'm gonna get it back I'm going to get it back I'm going to get off these streets I'm going to get home for Christmas it's okay it's okay it's okay
She'll See Me
She'll Talk to Me
And The Journal Will come back to Me
I Just have to have Faith and be patient and Wait
And keep doing My Good Work
I carried the flan around for days.
Actually I was going to give it to a brother that had gotten me a piece of cake on my birthday. Unfortunately I lost the slip of paper I wrote my library card number on and he staff refused to give me a new one this time for no prudent reason so I couldn't contact my friend and then had a piece of rotting flan with me
Tragic
But knowing I'd see the Cheese Guy at the breakfast on Friday I kept it with the intention of proving something to him
Sure enough, come Friday there he was
I didn't care to give another lecture
I Just wanted to prove that I could carry around something I really Love and Want for days without Giving in to Temptation because I actually have self-discipline
I handed him the flan in a bag and said, "Sorry about the Cheese."
Within the bag was a note
"Bon Appétite"
After that I chatted with a Brother who knew the Sister who had my Journal
He was surprised I hadn't gotten it back yet
"Her Camp is right down in the river bottom area, y'know."
I wanted to go find it right away but I Just couldn't
I hiked to the top of the Butte again to say another prayer and make another offering at Aqua's grave
I see the meaning
I DON'T CARE
I'M NOT LISTENING THIS IS ALL I HAVE
NOTHING ELSE MAKES SENSE TO ME WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET TO YOU
A sort of hopelessness then set in
A pretty familiar despair
The idea that God is against me in this
That it doesn't matter how hard I try how far I go what I do who I am
That sure, I can hurt and destroy myself and waste as much of my Time as I Want
Damn Waste
Which is unlike me in My Way
But hey it's My Life
Nevermind the gifts from the Angels Nevermind Micheal Nevermind Rudy Nevermind the Shooting Stars and My Emotions and All I've done so far How Far I've Come All My Work My Service My Prayers and Free Will and Love Just Nevermind all that She's got to feed these Beasts over here there's Economy to consider here and these guys Need to Eat and Love is an Illusion and Sisters and Children are Sacrificed ALL THE FUCKING TIME FOR REASONS YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND JUSTIN SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY WE'RE ALL SICK OF HEARING ABOUT IT WE'RE TRYING TO EAT OUR MEAL IN PEACE NOT HAVE OUR SHIT RUBBED IN OUR FACE CONSTANTLY
I can't stand this pain much longer.
I dragged myself down the Rock
I left my bag and Violin half way up as a show of Faith
They were still there.
I lurched myself down Mill
Gave away the bit of food I had as I did
But I didn't want to talk
A Beautiful couple gave me a couple granola bars on the bus and all I could do was have an existential crisis about it not knowing or being able to understand
Does this bless or curse me?
Does eating this bring me closer to You or does every bite only serve to distract me from and interrupt the Love I'm trying to feel for you?
I shouldn't eat I shouldn't eat I should starve I should give this away uuuuugh I'm so fucking Hungry
It's easier to not eat when you're hungry when you know that you won't even enjoy it because you made up a whole reality in your head that may or may not be True about how terrible we as humans are and eating causes untold suffering everywhere whether we can see it and understand the connections or not
So I went in the Library and cried and wrote some of this non-sense that might have some kind of Truth to it down, then looked up and saw a sign
"Find it."
With that My Heart flipped
I could do something
Like a Dog being let off the fence it was tied to
I went straight to the bus and back to the River Side park with every intention of searching every little nook 'til I found it
I Needed to Find it.
Finding it meant Everything.
I searched around the park until I saw a sign that told me to Run.
I felt a call to Faith
I left my bag and violin just there along the sidewalk and ran towards where I was told she was
The RiverBottom
The rocks were smooth and slippery and Huge Trees covered in thorns made this large swath of untended nature difficult to navigate. As I crawled through and under and over this brush I heard a dog barking. It was barking at me, but wasn't coming too close. I followed it, and it would run away when I got close. It led me through the brush to a site. A man in a tent was rather displeased to see me.
"Hey sorry Brother, I'm Just looking for my Journal..."
A voice from the bushes, "Oh hey! I got'chu!"
And Sister emerged and walked straight over to a little plastic bin
"Haha yeah sorry I totally Spaced Out about this haha"
"Hahaaaaa, yeah..."
And with that she handed me the ziploc bag with My Journal, Passport, a couple of my notes, and three Pens still in it.
Lion's Flame
Shooting Star
Desert Lili
I fell to my knees and prayed and thanked Sister profusely
On the way out of the brush I came upon another site with some brothers and sisters I'd been spending some time with the past few days, including Jordan
I shared My Story of This Miracle with them then helped them set up a tent and cut back some of the Thorned Tree Branches
After helping I ran on back towards my bag and violin but stopped to watch the Sunset
There was a part of me worried about my belongings
But a Greater part of me was able to let go of that fear and allow The Lord to watch over them and not be worried at all while I enjoyed a magical sunset
After that I jogged to my things which were waiting for me right where I left them
With the Journal in hand it was clearly time to escape the city and finally head East
So I headed back through town to my site by the train tracks to figure out my Next Move
I had kept Goku with me at All Times
He helped protect my bag from thieves for sure
Would You mess with that ki blast?
I absolutely Love this painting
I Wanted to bring it home with me and hang it on my wall in my room
With the other magic artifacts and meaningful trinkets that also made it home from my adventures
But it occurred to me
As I was getting ready to leave from Sister's camp site for good
That it'd mean more if I Gave Goku back
I had wanted to Just Give Her the twenty anyways
Maybe she could sell him again
And She's the one that Needs him around
To Protect Her
So I wrote a note on the back to Her
Encouraging Her to defeat Her addictions so she'd be Free to Travel to the places in this World that would Heal Her
Places like New Talavana or The DreamWeaver Sanctuary or The Sangre de Cristo Mountains
That's Where she Needs to be
Not The Streets
And it's Nature and Healthy Food and Herbs and Love She Needs
Not Meth.
That Night was a family friendly parade
I set myself up on a corner where I'd be rescued from the city tomorrow morning and began fiddlin' away
I think busking for a couple bucks is a great thing to do
But keeping the case closed and only accepting prayers is even better
It totally changes your intentions!
Playing like that I'm literally just trying to get people to smile
So it doesn't matter when no one gives me anything
Rather I get some kids to stare and laugh
And that's way better than a dollar
And if You don't think so I'd say you're misguided.
Eventually a Brother I'd met earlier happened to walk by with his Djembe
And soon after another Brother and a Sister came with a Guitar and Song
These are some of my favorite moments on The Road
Impromptu little Street Corner Bands
We played some great Jams and people seemed to really appreciate it
I didn't want none of the paper folks put down in their case
But a little later Brother used that money to buy me an ice cream sandwich
And y'know
I'd be Willing to Bet
That I Enjoyed it more because he Kindly got it for Me
Rather than me holding onto the money and buying it myself
I Climb Mountains.
I Challenge Men that Cross The Line.
I Ride All Night on My Own Power—and The Lord's.
I resent any comment that denounces My Endeavor.
This is a Matter of Love.
This is a Question of Love.
This is a Matter of My Free Will
My Determination
My Drive and My Universe and My Duty
So I Am going to get home for Christmas I am going to See and Talk to LILI.
And I Do Not Care At All What happens between Now and Then
Absolutely Nothing is Going to Stop Me.
† Thank †
† You †
† Lord †
The next morning
Weary but as Determined as Ever
I headed back to that corner and left an offering and said some prayers there before being picked up by Mary WindWalker
I had considered Just walking out of the city myself until I eventually got far enough to the outskirts that someone might pull over to help me
But Mataji WindWalker Just happened to be passing by then
And I retrieved My Journal and found my Library Card # Just In Time
So with a Heart Full of Gratitude
I escaped the Struggle of those Streets
But By The Grace of The Lord
Those Streets did Not Eat Me
I'm Just Thankful to be moving in the direction I Want to move in
After this ride a Sister picked me up and I shared my Bread with Her and Hers and She went out of Her way to help me and see me Safe
Thank You again Martha and Walter and Revas and Ron and Elija and Antonio and Everyone there for your Care and Support!
I Wasn't Cold
Things aren't going exactly how I was trying to write them
And I definitely don't know how exactly things will turn out
But I know I'll be back
My Journey is not yet complete!
On Our Way Home
The Journey has brought me here to Gallup, NM
A pretty Wild West town on the border of the Navajo Nation
My train wasn't for five days so I had to survive here 'til then
We're All Hungry.
We're All Hurt."
I Know...
I can't even identify most of these!
But Mary WindWalker Gave me a ticket
The Lord does his Work through People
Thank You for Everything Mary
You're an Angel and I don't know where I'd be without all the Love and Care and Aid You have Blessed Me with
To be able to help any Lady in Need is My Purpose and My Honor
I've Learned How to Serve The World
My Love for Her in This Imbalanced Chaotic World is what Drives me Forward
No matter how Low I may Feel
Just the thought that She Needs Me Lifts Me right back Up on My Steed
That my Expression may in some way Uplift Her brings My Pen right back Up to My Paper
I got to Gallup, NM
With a heavy sack full of Christmas Gifts
And thanks to Mataji WindWalker
I was able to get my train ticket right away!
However, the next available seat wasn't for five days
Well, no big deal, Just have to Survive these streets for that time and then I'm Home Free
At last
Almost There
Almost There
Lugging the Santa sack around over the next few days I said that to myself a lot
Almost There
The Train ride is three days long
So I busked by the health food store to get food I Needed
Which I ended up giving all away anyways
There's a lot of homeless here too
Lots of Alcohol Addiction
I can't quite relate
If one is on the streets then in my perspective it's GO Time
Save Every Dollar
Only buy what You Need
Or what others Need
Some People will buy a Four Loko over a pair of gloves and hand warmers
I understand the alcohol takes the pain away but it's Just masking it and destroying your body in the process
These people are often Hopeless though
They've Given up and aren't even trying to Fight their addictions anymore
Just Giving in to the Hunger
So I Do What I Can
"Hey Brother, You Need anything?"
"Hmm? Like what?"
"Well, I have Water, Socks, Peanut Butter, an Apple..."
"Nah I'm alright. Do You Need anything?"
"Nah, I Just Need to get to the library."
"We got Whisky."
"I don't Need that. No one does, in fact. It's Poison."
"We got G too. Got some Meth."
I'm already walking away
"You're on the Wrong Path Brother."
My Father has struggled with his alcohol addiction for as far back as I can remember.
And I haven't been home in several months but I believe he still is
Watching him struggle as I grew up gave me an alternate perspective
I didn't want to be like that
I didn't want to fall into that hole
So as a teenager I took after my Uncle and swore off alcohol
That got me through college into adulthood and along my Journey
An Angel convinced me I aught to try it and I figured I was no longer at risk of falling into that same pit and the only thing stopping me was being able to say, "I don't even know what it's like to be drunk."
Now I like to say, "I'm a Candlelit Dinner kind of guy. If me and a special lady are having a special night. We're gonna make some dinner, listen to some music, light some candles... Then sure, pop open a bottle of wine. Enjoy that stuff on Special Occasions, with Loving company. I think that's what it's for."
Obviously slowly dying on the Streets drowning in the stuff is not the way to go.
Some people listen some people don't
I don't know how to Help Everyone
In approaching people with a helping hand it opens up the potential for a positive interaction.
As in example above, if I see someone who looks like they're struggling, I'll approach them and simply ask, "Hey Brother/Sister. Do You Need anything?"
Then I'll try to help them determine their Needs
As many folk think they Need money and think they Need a Drink
"Need anything Brother?"
"I Need some Money."
"No One Needs money. It's what the money is for that You Need it for. Money doesn't do anything. It's value is imaginary."
"...I guess I Need some Water."
"Okay. I'll go get you some."
And I ended up talking with that man for a bit
Sharing some stories
And gave him some hand warmers and a blanket too
I can't solve all his problems for him and I certainly can't Fight His Fight for Him
But I Do What I Can
I Go around and Try to Help People
Try to Inspire People
Try to lead them away from Shit and Nonsense and Desires that Hurt Themselves and Others
And guide them on a path of Love and Care
Of following their Dreams
Of Being their Best Selves
I Do This when I Can
And in this Work Jesus is Totally on My Side
Though I'm not so good at Preaching
I'll often get into spats with people that are a little too extreme
Denouncing every Religion but their own
Clearly there is No One Right Path
I learned much from Hare Krsna for example
If subscribing to a particular Belief System is going to help a person Grow Spiritually and become a better person in All the Right Ways
Compassion and Care
Patience and Self-Discipline
Gratitude and Appreciation
Healthy Choices
Then what is Wrong about learning those teachings?
One Secret I've found
By cropping out Bad Wants
We make room for Good Wants
And when We Want Goodness in our Lives
Art Music Writing Building Travel Family Community
Those things Naturally come to Us as We automatically make those Choices
But We Have to Truly Want this Goodness
And Let Go of other Wants
And this is a Struggle that each of Us goes through in our Human Life
The Difference between someone who shares their Bread with a Hungry Man and someone who doesn't
You have to Want to Be the person that shares their Bread
And then You Have to Work on Yourself to become that person
It is a Battle
Within Each of Us
To Defeat Our Wants Beyond that which We Need
Religion is basically a macro guidebook to try to turn people Good/Loving not Evil/Wicked as they Grow
The whole World is a big experiment
We're All trying to Get it Right
We're All Learning
Constantly
We're All trying to Live a Good Life
Be Happy and Healthy
Have Comfort and Dignity
Enjoy Pleasures Limit Pain
Be Ourselves and Not Call God's Wrath (Calamity) Down Upon Us
It's Definitely Difficult sometimes and Definitely Overwhelming but I say Just Move in the Right Direction and Don't Give Up and when You Eventually Are Victorious
When You Do Rise Up Above that Lower Form of Yourself and Eat Less or Exercise More or Put Down the Bottle or Pick Up Good Work or Whatever The Battle Is
Then You'll Know
It was frigid but that didn't stop me
I saw Her post about the Meteor Shower and knew there'd be no shelter that Night
But it'd be totally worth it
And it totally was
Jesus was with me
The Stars spoke to me
I got the special crackers that'll forever be associated with that Night I fell in Love with You
I Wished You were with me
I Wish We Were Together
You'll See Me
Right?
You'll Talk to Me
Right?
Have I not proven myself?
Have I not earned your Time?
Have I no claim to Your Hand?
The Journal Came Back.
It Came Back.
I didn't really sleep that Night
Once I was too cold I hiked out of the darkish hilly area of the city I'd found to watch the Shooting Stars from and sought shelter
I came upon a Denny's—not my favorite place to be but warmth is warmth—and a Sister got me some pancakes
Something was amiss with that food though
After I had a few bites a wave of nausea hit me harder than that idiot drunkard in Tempe
I spent the next ten hours vomiting everything in my system back out
Almost There
Almost There
Almost There
They eventually kicked me out of the Denny's as the Sun Rose
A Pastor brought me to the Emergency Room
Feverish Freezing Shaking Nauseous but nothing left within me
They took their time getting my information
They brought me into a room and asked me to step on the scale
"I-I don't Need a check-up. I Just Need a c-cot. I-I-I J-Just Need to Rest."
"...So you're refusing services?"
"I'm F-F-Freezing."
So I signed a random piece of paper and they said I could stay in the waiting room for a bit but I couldn't lay down.
At least they gave me a warm blanket.
The security guard wouldn't let me rest and kept hassling me
"You can't Sleep Here. You Have to Go."
"This is an Emergency."
"...Fine. You can stay for a little while."
He kept waking me up for no reason though.
Actually I passed out in the bathroom and slept better there.
Eventually they gave me a jacket and some soda and kicked me out
I made it to the library and had a nap until they closed
I walked around the 24-hour wal-mart all Night and bought a blanket
Which I subsequently gave away to a man in more dire straights than I
I gave the Jacket away too
I like the one Your Mother Gave me much more
Still Feverish my digestive track queasy
I don't know how I'll Survive Tonight's Cold
But I will and then I'm on The Train and Home Free
Almost There
Almost There
ALMOST THERE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xoz-YIssgg4
