Monday, April 2, 2018

I Just Want You to Know Who I Am

Whether people Care or not is up to them
But I don't want people to doubt my sincerity
That's definitely partly why I take so much time to capture my emotions and express them here
I'm also trying to share my experience because people can learn from it and maybe relate
And it's pretty interesting, right!?
Well, I think so.
But mostly
I Know You'll Read it
And I'll See You Again
One Day
The Lord has definitely been with me from the beginning.
If I was not being guided I can say with absolute certainty I'd be dead.
Though I didn't notice for a while
I didn't find Faith until God said, "Hi!"
My actual experience is completely indescribable
But I'm trying to capture some of that here
And I'm trying to show people what has led me to the place of Love and Strength that I now find myself at.
I'm trying to show people that you can't give up no matter what
I'm trying to show people that it's Love and Family and Friends that are what is truly valuable in this World—not lots of new and shiny things
I'm trying to tell people that you CAN work on yourself and you CAN better yourself and you CAN change in positive ways and better your life and the lives of your Loved ones around you—you just have to WANT TO.
I'm trying to spread the idea that we are all on this Earth together
We're all Brothers and Sisters.
Sons and Daughters.
Mothers and Fathers.
So we should work for our Dreams and work for each other and work for Love!
I'm working towards my Dream and I'm working on my Self
One Day I Hope to create a Sacred Space
And that's what we can all do
That's how we can all turn Earth into Heaven
By Creating that.

I Love Angels

Roots

o noes

"You can defeat a Siren's Magic with Unconditional Love!"

Flying High-Kicks are cool too
But no not against Sirens

I still get a lot of inspiration through Super Heroes

"BUT YOU DON'T GO TO HEAVEN IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN JESUS!"
Says this pamphlet
And I Just don't know about that
Just doesn't seem fair to me
Wouldn't Jesus Love you just for being Loving to others as Unconditionally as possible?

Lots of Good Advice

I Found Fire

This is mine.
I'm Thankful for it

Captain Woodrow F. Call
Texas Ranger

Totems are Cool

The only thing I'm really playing is my Instrument

I Want to Be Humble

But I Want to Be Strong too

She's reading Charolette's Web


I've always felt different
Odd
I never felt like I "fit in" in school
I'd be alone a lot
Even though I didn't like being alone a lot
Video Games helped with that
And honestly they kept me outta trouble
(And planted lots of seeds for future Adventures)

College was great
I joined a club and found this awesome community of friends that I became a leader in
But when college ended everyone goes their separate ways
As they Do
So I find myself with only the model of what I seek
A Strong and Loving Community
Made up of people I care about
Whom work together to teach and uplift each other
So, Heaven, right?

As I travel around
I seek such places
So that one day
Once I'm ready
I can model after them
And create my own Sacred Space on This World
And That is My Privilege and My Honor
I Wish we could all be so Blessed to pursue such an endeavor
But I suppose we each have to Want that

Time for another round of
JUSTIN'S AMAZING CAMP FIRE COOKING!
This time we're cooking with Quinoa!

And here's the other cast of characters!
We used a dash of hot sauce and P.Cheese
Some random Salsa we found
Maybe a teaspoon of Cloves
And like 2 tablespoons each of Turmeric and Ginger
I also put in some Soy Lecithin (not pictured) to add phosphorus and absorb some of the extra water
Thanks to my Soul Brother Alex for that!

So yeah it's pretty easy
Get your fire going
Let it die down a bit so there's a little fire but mostly embers
Get water in your wok/pot and position it over the embers
Get the water boilin'
Then dump in the quinoa
Stir it regularly to help disperse heat so that it cooks evenly and so that nothing sticks to the bottom
Also, pour in some oil for added flavor.
I had some sesame oil so I used that

About half way through the cooking
Pour in all those spices!

This was a custom piece commissioned in Austin
I made the piece and it came out great but the Lady never responded afterwards
Rude \:
So I was gonna burn it but forgot about it and the wax melted to the Grill!
And yeah I thought that was pretty neat

Some vegetable chunks woulda been nice
But hey not bad for a mostly rescued dish (;

Pretty nice camp site

Yeah it's pretty spectacular out here in this parta' Texas

Decided to spend my Saturday Night here

A Wise Decision
Beautiful Place to Rest

Seeking Shelter on Church Grounds is probably my favorite place to Rest now
I Just like being there
Feeling the Energy of these Different Sacred Places
And Enjoying My Solitude

So I'm practicing some music when out of no where Just runnin' by is
A FRIGG'N PEACOCK!!!
Wha~wha~WHAAAAAT????
So I quickly run and grab my camera and chase after the surprisingly large bird
It sneaks around a corner and as I'm slowly moving towards it to get a good shot...
From the Roof directly above me
"ooooOOOO AAAAAAHHHH EH EH EH EH EEEEEH"
oh shi~
"Clever Girl..."
I barely escaped with my Life
This was the only photo I managed to get

I'm followin' The Colorado River to Colorado
Good Plan!
Right!?

At Last
Completed The Philosopher's Challenge
About 2,600 of those miles were from various adventures around New England when I was home after Illinois
But I'm Still Out Here and Still Ridin' so I think we can say Achievement Unlocked (:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWXHnwgUp58

Made some Commemorative Pipes

Ranches are Everywhere out here

Modern Wild West at Night

Made it to shelter Just In Time as it started pouring
Whew!

This is the oldest operating Jailhouse in the country!

I found a Beautiful Place

The Ducks here were attacking each other but it was otherwise very Peaceful

I heard this is a natural Spring
I filled my camelback up here

This is in the town of San Saba
"Pecan capital of The World!"

The Pecans here are like butter
Amazing
I got a bag to take along with me

No longer open to traffic

A Cool Old Bridge

Some of the San Saba Pecan Orchards

Most of the cattle 'round here run off from me
Suppose it's on account of the odd noises my bicycle makes
But this herd came up to the fence to say Hello!


As I continued to ride they actually all galloped along with me for a half-mile or so
Before reaching the end of their fenced in area and turning towards the sunset
Was Beautiful

These horses were running along too on the other side of the road!

Another old Bridge
I Crossed this one in the Moonlight

Abandoned Homes are alright places to lay ones head for the night
The Energy here was unsettling
I dared not Enter
But I prayed and was as respectful as I could be and tried to calm the Spirits


If you're traveling through Brownwood Texas
Be sure to stop at the Tr3s Leches Bakery
This is where you Want to Eat!

Local-Family owned
They helped me so much as I rode through!
This is who you Want to Support!
Thank you all again SO MUCH!
Remember to practice that harmonica Max!

I'm trying to camp in more places that I won't have to sneak away from quickly in the morning
I have plenty of things to do with me now besides just ride
I'm also engaging in a Healthy Morning Routine

I Will Not Eat until I've done my morning exercises
And then say my prayers of Gratitude over my Food before I enjoy it
One of the best Peanut-Butter and Jellies I've ever had pictured here (:

Feeling right at home (:
I edited out the advertisement in MSPaint lol
But yeah soda is popular here


With my nice sleeping bag all I Need is some sort of shelter above in case of rain
So Gazebos are nice

I stopped on the side of the Road to have Breakfast and sat on this Cactus!
YOWCH!
It took me like an hour getting the spines out of my pants and butt
It was pretty hilarious though so I was just laughing the whole time about it

Stopped here to eat and practice
This building I guess is the first structure in the area when settlers came and is more than a hundred years old

And this old building used to be home of a famous settler named William Henry Ledbetter
He set up a Salt-Works here
It was pretty cool sleeping in his "dog-run"
The area in between the rooms there

There are lots of fences in Texas
Nowadays...

Storage Sheds are great to sleep in!
They usually don't bother locking 'em
It was Cold and exceptionally Windy that Night so coming upon this was a real life saver

Time to Sing
By Amy Banks
Since I changed my Life Path to this Journey
Away from a more "normal" Path of Job -> House -> Family
I've not only changed and grown a lot but also explored myself more indepthly than I ever could have had I not had the time to myself to think and ponder and explore.
One sphere of life that has always brought me great strife is the sphere of sexuality
and I know I'm not the only one.
That's why I'd like to express some of myself here—while keeping things around PG-13.
Though I've written about this before in other posts, so maybe this is just reiteration.
I used to Hate myself.
Most of that was low self-image and Guilt from the various wants and desires I had since the onset of puberty or whenever these images and ideas entered me.
That Hate has turned into Love now.
It did in two ways.

The Battle
by Mariah Jones

Firstly, Love for my Self.
That came about from working harder and making healthier choices.
Rather than video games and ice cream (as much as I Love those things)
I instead chose martial arts and soup.
Rather than a job that wasn't fulfilling to me (not that Elementary Science Teacher was so bad)
I instead made my own way—choosing my own path
Rather than pornography and masturbation
I instead went for a jog and cooked soup from scratch
I took control over my own development and started putting my time into pursuits that I wanted to build upon.
So my self-image improved, as I was now doing and becoming what I felt and believed was good and cool.
I was putting good and healthy things into my Body, Mind, and soon, Spirit.
I was behaving in the way that I needed to behave in in order to truly Love myself.

Mesmerized

Secondly, My Hate has turned into Love for all the sisters in my Life that I've made a special connection with.
In other words, the Women I've Loved.
In a place of Hate and Fear of myself
I stayed inside playing video games for most of my youth
And used pornography as a way to placate my desires
Though I Love video games—and there are some interesting personal benefits to my self from growing this way—that was a lot of wasted time
And though there was deep exploration of the human sexual condition—the ill effects of pornography addiction on my soul still upset me
(It was my former Fiancée that got me through this period of my life)
As I put the controller and mouse and keyboard down and stepped out into the World that's when I met all the other Ladies in my Heart
I had beaten my addictions, was working hard to improve myself and live healthier, and once my Fiancée and I split, was finally ready to explore Love from a less socially defined space
And it was my experiences with the Ladies I began seeing
(Built upon from my relationship with my former Fiancée)
That taught me what Love is
And that at last fulfilled my wants and desires I had longed and fantasized for for so long
Fulfilled them in Loving Beautiful ways.
And those desires having been reached within Love
I was no longer afraid of myself
Because I had created something Beautiful
I no Longer Hated myself
Because I had Chosen Love and shared that experience with others

Steadfast

So it's these Ladies that I have to thank
That in My Heart are immortalized
 For it is They—For Wanting Me and Giving Themselves to Me
THEY MADE ME BEAUTIFUL
THEY MADE EVERYTHING OKAY
THEY BROUGHT ME PEACE
LOVE AND PLEASURE AND SPLENDID BEAUTIFUL UNITY

These words on the screen perhaps don't fully capture the depth of emotion, the pits of pain and self-loathing I so frequently found myself in, which these Ladies, all in their own special way, lifted me out of.
And, of course, they were only able to have that effect on me because I was working so hard
I both felt and knew that I was earning them.
That I was deserving of them.
So I'd Die for them.
I Am Theirs.

 I didn't Want to Marry
I Wanted them all to share me
I wanted to travel around and be happily summoned when I was Needed.
I wanted to be their Tuxedo Mask
Their CHAMPION

Their WARRIOR

Their Hero.

 My Heart
So I already decided
That Space I create Will Be Your Home
And this has been my intention from the first time I lifted the hammer
To ensure You'd have a Home
That You'd never be on the streets
You'd Never Be "Homeless"
Because I'd Build it for You
And that's the least I can Do for You
It's the least I'd Do for all of You
It'll be Mine
My Farm—My Land—My Dream
So I can do whatever I Want there
Social restrictions and Judgments begone
Maybe You won't Want to live the Farm life
But I guess we'll Just have to see how I do
If it turns out to be a blighted bog of mud then I guess I'm a real Loser
But if I can create The Sacred Space that I'm envisioning
If I can make it work
Reach sustainability and create an actual home
With Real Food and Just Real Life
Well maybe some of You Will come Live with Me
Or at least come Visit
Now and Then


I Hate the idea of Waiting for "My Turn"
I can't let go of the meaning that each Woman who has entered My Heart has had
I Don't Want to
Maybe that's the only reason I can't I don't know
All I know is I Have Choice
My Mind guides My Heart and My Heart Steers My Mind
My actual consciousness is above each of these things
I Watch My Thoughts
I'm Aware of My Emotions
And My Carnal Body Hungers
I Have to Manage All These Things
We Each Do
It is our Responsibility to as Living Human Beings
So even with All that I've expressed and All that's happened
The Question is still there


The Question is still there because The Choice is still there
The Choice has to be there or it's not Love!
As I ride I'm crafting the vision of my future in my Mind
I'm trying to find the space to exist in where as I'm waiting but not shackled
Where I'm working to create something for everyone
A future that does not exclude any one I Love
But also allows me to have some Hope and Motivation for the present moment too
If I don't allow myself some Freedom of Choice I fall into a place of bitterness
So I keep going to that place and keep deciding to hold on to these Dreams and this Love
I don't Want it to be out of my control
The emotions come and I decide what to do with them
I decide what I think about these emotions and I decide my response.
For example, when I'm experiencing waves of loneliness or longing or emptiness
Do I write about them in my Journal?
Or do I seek a Bar to imbibe and meet other imbibers?
Or do I sign onto okcupid and seek someone else?
That's the choice.

 Art by Mark Ausier~Iron Waves


After the Fire 

KSnow 

Joy 

Glee 

Two Blues Branch 

Paradise

Texas Jackrabbit

i Ma Tree

LongRoughEdges

Rings

I Like the ones that are committed to Order and Justice and don't abuse their position of authority to feel Powerful nor Bend the Law to shake out some extra tax collections from their own populace

Two Heart

Iron Palm

Two Blues in a Box

Out There


Definitely have to let go of expectations
Focus on The Dream
The vision I have
This sort of silence could Destroy someone
The Dream has to be enough
I can Hear You there
I can Feel You there
But if I Fall in this space and someone catches me
Well I don't have anything to stand on
I'm imbalanced as it is
I wasn't meant for this amount of solitude
If The Universe presents me with a Sister I May Love
If I Give Her My Love
If We Start Creating Together
I'll have no way to get back to You.
You didn't Give me a Way to
I Just have this Journey
I have lots of miles to go
Lots of things to Learn
Lots of work on myself to Do
And I Hope Lots of Good Experiences to have
So Do whatever you Want
Don't Do anything at all
If You Fall I'll Catch You
If You're Hungry I'll Feed You
If You're Alone I'll Be With You
If You're Out There I'll Shelter You
Unless someone else does so first.
That's up to You.
I'm Right Here.

Hearts On The Road



I Just Hope You'll Read All This
One Day if not soon
I Just Hope You'll See my Message to You
I Just Hope You'll Read it All and Understand
That I really Did
Do
Love You
And maybe because that "You" is directed at more than one person at the same time it loses a sort of Power or Meaning to it
But I Just Hope You'll See that despite that
My Feelings are Real and I'll Always Care about You
So I Wrote All This for All of You
And I mean every Word
For even if We are Never to Meet and Love again
I Just Want You to Know Who I Am.

It was a massive challenge presented to me
Lift myself up from
1!
2!!
3!!!
Rejections
After striving so passionately
Believing and Feeling Love for You Each for Months
And Everything You Each mean to Me
And within this space of Waste and Defeat
To find a place of stability and productivity and forward movement
Well that was no simple process.
But once I was actually on the bicycle
Actually working on myself
Actually literally moving forward
Accepting that I'm going to be alone for a while and I have to manage these emotions by myself and that's my responsibility and my weight
Well then it was a lot easier to be Positive
Besides
I'm not actually alone

I haven't read much of the Sacred Texts
My awareness of The Spirit comes mostly from my experiences

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpVNNC52Q_o

I've always grappled to Understand Jesus and Who He Was and What His Sacrifice Meant

I'm Still Trying to Learn but I Have Been Trying to Follow His Way

I'm Trying to Doubt Less
Or Not At ALL
I'm Trying to Have Absolute Faith in The Above

I'm Trying to Be Satisfied with What I Have
And Not Worry about The Future
As I Trust and Know that What I Need Will Come to Me

I Don't Like Putting it into Words
That's What always turns me away when people Try to Tell Me How to Word it or Say it
Shutting ones Mind Off
And Simply Opening Your Heart

No Words
Just Faith
And Love

When I Have Trouble
Dark Thoughts
I Imagine Myself on A Boat
And Jesus is There With Me

The Thoughts are beneath the surface of the Water
They Go Down and Down
Deeper and Deeper and Darker and Darker
But I'm on The Boat
With Jesus

I Struggle Still to Maintain a Balance
Of Myself
My Own Paradigms
My Unique Self
Like, "Jesus Suspended a Resurrection Spell on himself
Probably cost like Seven White Mana or so
Can Not Be Countered"

I Get Frustrated when I'm Told I can't do something that I Believe is Good
But that's Part of Faith

Understanding that there is SO MUCH we Do Not and CAN NOT Comprehend
And Letting Go of our own Desires and Intentions
Even when We Think We're Right
And Listening
Surrendering

So that's what I'm Working On
But I Believe Jesus is With Me
I Believe He Wants us to All Keep Doing Our Best
To Be Healthy and Happy and Working Towards Bettering Our Selves and Our Future Tomorrow
I Believe He Wants that for All of Us
I Believe He Wants that of All of Us

I Believe I Am Forgiven
But I Also Believe He Wants Me to Make The BEST out of My Life
To Not Give In to Temptations and Keep Striving for That Dream that I See
To Find Love for Each Other
To See Everyone as Connected
The One Family that We All Really Are

When You Truly Have Jesus in Your Heart
I Don't Believe You Can Go Wrong
So I Hope Everyone Can Try to Meet Him and Understand Him
And Seek His Compassion and Forgiveness
I Hope Everyone can Find their Strength within to Work Diligently
Make Good Choices
And Find Love for Themselves
And for Everyone Else


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USAQQnQzaSs

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